He boarded the plane last night at 11:30 and watching him walk through the terminal doors was one of the hardest things I have had to do in my entire life. I know it wasn't any easier for him because he looked back at me before walking through. I don't know if I have ever cried so hard in my life as I did last night, because it was the beginning of our two year separation. He is stationed in Germany for 2 years and as of right now I have no idea when I will see him next, hear his voice, or even just hear from him to know he is OK. We don't know yet how we will communicate or if we will be able to call each other. Skype is an option but first he has to get his Internet set up.
I'm trying to do everything I can to distract myself from the fact that he isn't with me. I'm wearing one of the shirts he left me and last night I slept with his teddy bear and the set of dog tags he left. Its so hard being without him even though that's more normal than being with him. He was here for less than two weeks but we became so much closer in that small amount of time than we have been previously. I don't know what I'm going to do with ought hearing from him everyday, its going to be torturous. But like I said I'm trying to keep busy. I already uploaded all of the pictures I took while he was here to facebook and tagged him in them. Thank god facebook is there for a distraction, if i didn't have it i would probably be going insane right now but while I'm on it I can tune out my thoughts.
I did so much better this time when he with here with not crying on him. Last time I cried alot but i only cried three times not counting the night he boarded the plane which is a whole lot better. We had a couple of small problems while he was here but we worked through them and I think its a part of what brought us closer. Some people don't understand why we are the way we are or why we agree to what we have agreed with or even why we are still together even though he is in a different country for two years, but they aren't in our situation, they don't have to go through what we have to go through. For "normal" relationships, its very hard to understand a military one unless you have been in one yourself. Your point of views change and so do you. Anyways, we worked through our issues and told each other a lot of truths that were held back and I think we are that much stronger for it. I miss him so much right now.
He bought me a promise ring and it is absolutely gorgeous, some people say its more of an engagement looking ring, but its a promise ring. He has amazing taste in jewelry and knows what I like. It also represents him so I'm really happy with it. Its white gold (which is awesome because I hate yellow) With cubic zurconia stones and the two bands separate from each other but I wear them together. I wear my Claddah in the engagement position but its really just my promise to him that no matter what happens we will work through it an I will be here for him. We will get engaged when we are both ready and not a moment sooner. Besides I think we don't need to be engaged because we are just happy where we are right now in our relationship. Why rush and ruin it?
I'm already planning what to send in his first care package, he has requested I send him a couple pairs of shoes that wouldn't fit in his bag and I have two games to pick up for him that he pre-ordered. As soon as I get his address I'm going to send him a letter at the very least. I'm also going to send him photos and maybe a video recording of me. I wish I could still call him to wake him up in the mornings, I'm going to miss that.
My distractions while he is away are thankfully going to be very time consuming so hopefully I wont have a ton of time to dwell. I'm going to start studding at a new school for a Bachelors in Interior Design and I will be living with my aunt for a while well I go to school and try to find a job so I can hopefully get my own apartment. Also, I have two friends who have asked for my help in planning their weddings which are a couple of years down the road so I can look up stuff for them in my spare time. It will help because its what I want to do for a living.
I'm also going to try to do a picture a day sort of thing on facebook and post on here daily even if its just a line or two. The time I spent with Justin while he was here was amazing and it just solidified my belief that we are meant to be together. Even when things were tense we still were able to work things out and smile in the end. I miss my baby so much and I just want him to return to me. I'm going to do my best to find a way to get to him. I love you baby and I hope you have a safe trip and a wonderful time adventuring in Germany. Take lots or pics and take care of yourself. I miss you already <3
No comments:
Post a Comment