And has Anything Exciting Happened?

The answer to that question would be no. In the week since I last updated this blog there has been no significant thing that has happened that would be worth updating. It disappoints me on a few many levels that my life when I'm out of school is less exciting then my life when I am in school.

So what did I do? I hung out with some guy friends I haven't seen in a while. Tried to set a friend up with one of them... still not sure how that's going to work out. I played lava monster (no this is not juvenile, it is extremely fun) and I know the exact day I will be going down to stay with a friend. This Thursday actually. I have read two historical romances, and talked to Justin <3 and I have also created yet another new blog just to delete it because I did not like the layout of the site. It was difficult to use and I am already use to blogger so really, why change? The blog was one for books I read and movies I watch. I am thinking of making one under blogger because It really is quite fun to write out my opinions about books. And the best part is no one can really argue with me because it is all my opinion! I actually think I will create another one. That makes four blogs total that I have on blogger and that doesn't count the blogs I have/am thinking of having on military social networking sites. I just think a lot of the "missing my soldier" posts would do a lot better on those sites because people who read them will understand what I am saying and if I need some support I am almost guaranteed to get it.

I have been eating saltine crackers like no tomorrow. I just love them, they are so  nummy! And I have also had a crazy urge to work out but that really hasn't happened and honestly I am not all that surprised. Yesterday I hung out with someone I haven't seen in a few months and I returned a book to her that she gave me over a year ago that I just found completely defensive. I will probably put a post on my "Finding my Religion" blog about it because I have a feeling it is going to turn into a rant. But I did get a really cute coat yesterday I probably shouldn't have bought because I didn't really have the money for it but I couldn't resist. It was on sale for 40% off!!!!!!! Ugh, I have regrets but I'm also loving the jacket so its all good.

My necklace came in from key element jewelry and I am super happy with it. It is just what I wanted! Now I just need Justin to pose in a pic for me so I can put it into my locket and everything will be good. But of course he plans to make that difficult for me.

Isn't it pretty? Its called "summer love" originally It was a custom design I requested but the maker liked it so much she added it to the website so others could order it as well. I think that's pretty cool. It has a locket, a flip flop, a combat boot, a plaque that says "I love my Military man" and a couple of ribbons and hears. It also has a skeleton key which is by far my very favorite part of the necklace.



Anyways, now I am just in my room writing up this blog and eating some peanut M&M's cus I'm super hungry and dinner won't be done for a while yet. I hope everyone is having a fantabulous day, and school starts Tuesday. BOOO. lol. Anyways I will try to update more regularly but if I don't i do apologize. In the words of Tigger TTFN, ta ta for now!

Strange Dreams, Updates, Red Clothing and Pizza Bites...

Wednesday:
Called up my friend Taz to come over because I was bored out of my mind, my room was clean, and I had no homework to do. I picked her up from the bus station and then we came back to my house and attempted to find some source of entertainment. Early that day, after I had taken my sister to school, I came home and finished putting my room together and then watched the first X-men movie because I was bored and had nothing better to do.

Thursday:
Took Lizzy to school, took cousin to daycare and then me and Taz ate out at a pizza joint and had some nummy sandwiches. Then we ended up at the mall looking for a shirt to wear for red Friday. We found one eventually that looked good on me. Then we had to pick up my sister and take her to the dentists and after that was done we ended up hanging out with an old friend we haven't seen in a really, really long time. It was a lot of fun but at the same time he was really different than he use to be and just didn't feel like the normal guy we use to know. While hanging out with him we ended up at the mall again and then I found a tank top to go under my red shirt and we talked to an acquaintance of mine who works in one of the shops for like an hour. Then we came back to my house and I edited my sisters essay for her. She pissed me off because I was trying to explain to her why it is important to source your cites correctly and she basically told me to fuck off. I came so close to slapping her in the face it wasn't even funny. Instead i walked into my room and threw my book on the floor really hard. I understand she had a lot of work to do last night but if she would have listened to me and written her paper on Tuesday like I said, she would have had two days to edit and correctly cite sources and such. Pisses me off she does everything last minute and then won't listen to me when I try to help her out.

Today:
Well last night I had a really strange dream that I was pregnant with my second child and at the abortion facility and i was crying and talking about how my baby wasn't moving and how I didn't want to bring a brain dead child into the world. Then the facility told me the baby was fine and that all i needed to do was find out my biological fathers medical history. So then I had to go and track him down. I woke up with lower abdominal pains. It was really very weird because I haven't even thought of being pregnant for many months. And I am not going to have kids for many more years so having that dream last night kind of freaked me out.

Anyways I woke up and me and Taz had pizza bites for breakfast which were very nummy and then I took a shower and got all dressed up for red Friday to support the troops. Here's what I'm wearing.

So I took a shower and got dressed like I said and did my nails in red and now I am updating my blog. That's really about all. Nothing super exciting happened. So I guess I'm done with this update for now and I will post more laters.
<3 Tamizan

Random.... and not so random....

Some days are just worse than others when it comes to dealing with the separation and today is one of those days.
So he surprised me by being on Skype tonight and we chatted on there for a while typing and then he said he was going to go to be so I was all “can I call you to say goodnight” and he said “When do I ever not call” and then I felt like an idiot because of course he always calls me. So even before he calls i’m already holding back tears.
Then he calls and he is just so tired he is passing out on me. I can tell, we aren’t even talking just sitting in silence and I'm trying to hold back the tears and not cry on him because I hate doing that. So I'm about at my limit, I’ve already leaked a couple tears so I say my normal goodbyes and he said “No, don’t go” like a little kid who is extremely tired but wants one more bedtime story. I almost broke then, but I took a deep breath and said ok I will stay on the phone until your asleep. Of course this is just more silence or me just talking to break the silence even though I know he is already asleep. So I wait a minute or so before I ask if he’s asleep and I don’t get an answer so I know he is passed out. So I say my goodbyes and hang up the phone but I know my voice was cracking the whole time. Thank goodness he was asleep and couldn’t hear.
As soon as I hit the end button I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Now i’m just bawling and I have no idea why. I feel so lost right now and I just want to cuddle up to him and rub his back and watch him fall asleep but i’m all the way across the country and I just miss him so much. Long distance sucks so bad, but its better than not having him at all. May can’t come soon enough. I can’t keep breaking like this. I need to see him. And Skype webcam really sucks cuss it just makes me miss him even more. Damn, I hate this. ((Written March 14))

Well, It's been a while since I have updated my blog. Not much to say besides I'm done with my finals and can now take two weeks to just relax and have some quality "me time" before I have to go back to school and then will have absolutely no time for me since I am doing homework 24/7. I'm not complaining, I'm the one who piles on the workload and I know this. I'm just saying that sometimes I wish I could have some sort of a break while I was in school to read a book for myself or hang out with friends or go shopping or something.

I hung out with my best friend Chris yesterday and it was awesome. We sat in my room and talked for two hours and during that time i reminisced about my childhood because, yeah, I'm weird like that. My room is now completely clean. I have some stuff I have to take to the goodwill and then everything will be put away in my room. I got my red sweatshirt to wear on Fridays, its comfy but not very warm so I think I will try to find another one. The problem is finding a sweatshirt that doesn't have a ton of writing or labels on it. I have writing on my clothing unless I specifically pick it out. So finding solid colored clothing that looks good is kind of difficult for me.

Anyways, I have to take my sister to school in a couple of minutes and I don't have my cousin today so I think I'm going to do my nails, run to the bank, and possibly see if I can find someone to hang out with. Fun plan right? I know. So um yeah, that's about it for now. I will talk to you people later.

Sleepy Time

Well, my day is over and right now I have decided to read the blogs I have the privlidge of following and to update my own. I do this more for my own piece of mind than anything else because I don't know what it is but sometimes just writing my day down does wonders and I feel refreshed in the morning.

So I woke up this morning at a reasonable hour... if you call 9:30 ish reasonable... and sat on the couch for about an hour on my Ipod touch on facebook just checking some things out. When I finally did get out of zombie mode, I got myself some breakfast and basically spent almost the whole rest of the day lazing on the couch. I did clean up the house of the person I was watching a little and had the boys pick up their rooms. They got home around five thirty and that's when I came back to my house and chilled with my mom. I read my new seventeen magazine, yes I still have a subscription, and then ate dinner, talked to Justin about his zombie video games, and took my practical accounting test. I found out I got 100% on my last chapter test and homework test, so here's to hoping that I get better than 69 on my final test. Even if I don't I know I will still have to take this class again. ugh. Well, that will wait for next year.

I really want to order jewelry that supports the troops or a sweater or something, but I just have to wait and plan carefully for now. I cannot forget to pick my cousin up in the morning like I did last Monday. I have always really wanted a charm bracelet, but never found one that really fit me. I think I have finally found where I want to get my jewelry from, I just hope that the person will let me way customize my order because there are a lot of charms I want on there. I of course want a couple to represent my support of the troops and my love for Justin, and then I want one to represent my cousin who is fighting MD and my uncle who is battling Leukemia, i believe its in recession right now, and I want to support breast cancer awareness, and then if possible I want to find a couple of unique charms that mean something to me. Like a fox, a dragon, a pentagram... stuff that will have more meaning than just a random charm to fill up space.

I am thinking about starting a blog about my addiction to OPI Nail Polish. I don't know if I will ever actually do this, but I have been thinking about it a lot today and I think it would be something fun to do. Maybe update it once a week with my colors and how I feel about it and my wish list and such. But I don't know. Just an idea I'm tossing around. Maybe a blog for fashion? lol. I have been really bored lately and just want to have something to be a part of. Something to join or something that will keep me busy. Because blogging and keeping up with other peoples blogs just isn't doing it for me right now. And the quarter is almost over and then I have two weeks of doing nothing. But you know, that's how life is. Soon enough I will be doing homework again 24/7 and wishing for something else to do.

Anyways, the title of this post was sleepy time, so now I am going to actually go to sleepy beddy bye and I will talk to all of you again soon hopefully. <3

Just another day

So yesterday I woke up to dogs laying on top of me. I'm still at the housebwatching the boys for the weekend and they have two adorable dogs. Anyways, needless to say I'm not use to dogs because I have four cats. So I woke up and then took the boys to the bowling alley and while I was there I had the strongest urge to bowl with Justin which shows just how much I miss him because I hate bowling usually. After bowling the boys wanted to watch a movie so we went and watched Rango. It was a pretty cute movie. Then we ran by the dollar store to pick up some chips which ended up tasting really nasty because they were made out of soybean oil. Last night we watched baby geniuses, had nachos, and watched the land before time v. During the land before time Justin called so I went into the room I'm sleeping in to talk to him and when I came out to check on the boys they were both asleep on the couch. It was really quite adorable.

Last night when I was talking to Justin he told me that he had told his dad that he loved me. It may not sound like a big deal but it really meant a lot to me because as soon as he tells his dad something big like that it just means that he feels and is facing those emotions that a lot of the time he doesnt. So progress is being made. But yeah anyways last night was a really good night and I feel like a lot was accomplished. So needless to say I'm still really happy.

Red Friday

So today is my first day in participating in Red Friday, it is a way to show appreciation for our soldiers deployed and at home. The goal is to wear red every single Friday until all of the troops are home. Now I don't have hardly anything red, but I did find in the back of my closet a tattered red flannel shirt. Its all torn up from my days as a punk kid. So here was my outfit for today.

As I live in Washington, and it is very cold. I only wore this for a few hours before I covered up. I am always cold, and today was no different. But since I couldn't wear red all day I carried around my red bag just to make up for the fact I am not a very good shopper. I use to have red shirts but I got rid of all of them for some reason or another. I don't really have the money to go out and buy new clothes either because I only have $5. But when I do get some money I will buy a red tank top or t-shirt or something. Maybe a sweater so even when I'm cold I can still show my support to the troops. That's the goal anyways. I feel like I failed my first red Friday. Which disappoints me, but I can always make up for it next Friday, and the Friday after that, and the Friday after that until all of the troops are back.

In other news I am spending the weekend watching the house of the mother of a friend, and her kids. They are great kids, really self sufficient. I'm more here to take them to the places they need to get to and make sure no major catastrophes happen while I'm here. I finished my homework for the night (YAY) and today after I woke up I went into the tutoring center at my college and turned in my Unit H homework for MS Word. I ended up with a headache from bending over the book and sitting in an uncomfortable chair but at least my homework got turned in. I have a test to do Sunday but other than that I don't have anything to do this weekend. I am going to try to get some of my finals done sooner. I can at least get my Business English final, my Practical Accounting final, and hopefully my MS Word final done in the next two days. But right now I just really want to go to sleep because i am really really tired for some reason. But I can't go to sleep until I hear from Justin, and he probably won't call until midnight. I mean, I can go to bed, but really whats the point? I won't be able to sleep unless I hear from him. I'm also really cold and that could be making me even more tired. I don't know. I feel blah right now. I'm full on pizza. I think sleep within the next two hours would be ideal. Until then I will probably be on facebook. Lol yeah, i know, I'm just that pathetic.

Well, I guess its time for an update....

And since I don't really have anything to do right now, there is no time like the present. So lets see, I didn't update yesterday, but it was a fairly slow day. I spent all day trying to get my homework done and well that didn't really happen so of course I'm behind for today. I did however get my webcam date with Justin and that made my day. It was so good to see him while I talked to him although it was like teasing myself because I could see him, and hear him, but I couldn't touch him. But you know what? That's how long distance relationships work. Phone calls, the occasional webcam, email, letters, or instant message chat. Sending pictures to each other and texts whenever you get the chance, and then when you are able to see each other again, that's when you can let go of everything and just be at peace in the knowing that the one you love is right next to you, holding you, and feeling the love you have for him as you feel his love for you. Then he has to leave again, or you do if you were visiting, and once again its months on end of phone calls, emails, and everything mentioned above. It's torturous but I go through it because I love him and there is no one but him I want to be with. He is on my mind all day, everyday, and my true happiness I feel throughout each monotonous day is when I hear his voice on the other end of the line say "hello".

Well, that got way deeper than I intended it to. But that's just the way blogs work sometimes, I tend to ramble on and on. Anyways, as for today I got up a lot early than usual so I could get ready for the presentation I had to give in class today at 8:30. Usually I roll out of bed around 8, but today I got up at 7:20, ok so that's not a whole lot earlier than normal, but at 7:20 am it sure feels like it. Especially when you don't put any caffeine in your system. (I tend to dislike coffee without extreme amounts of milk and sugar because I get headaches easily). Anyways so I went to class and gave my presentation, I don't think my teacher particularly cared for it, but oh well. The PowerPoint I made looked good, I just wish my group would have been more cooperative when trying to rehearse. So once class was over I took my cousin to daycare and then came home for twenty minutes before I had to go to practical accounting tutoring. That went pretty well, then I came home and finished my homework and took the tests and got some of the best scores I have received all quarter. Yay me! anyways then i procrastinated. Yes, i know I'm horrible at that. Anyways, when I finally did sit down to do my homework I discovered my Microsoft word trial ran out a whole day earlier than it was suppose to. So now I am downloading a new trial and hoping it works. Its been downloading for the past two hours.

On the bright side, well I don't know if it's really bright, but on one side I did find some jewelry that I really want to get once I have the money. It is in support of the troops and its really pretty. I still need to get my sweater and t-shirt... oh and I also started the red blooded Fridays in support of the troops. What it is, is every Friday you wear read in order to show your support to the troops. I don't know if I have any red... but I'm gonna try to find something. My sister can't talk for a whole week because she has problems with her jaw, so she has to stay silent but keeps talking and then I tell her not to and she glares at me. She head butted me earlier for trying to give her a kiss... well, in all fairness I was being a pain. But hey, what are big sisters for?

My download is only 81% done. Ugh, this is killing me. Its the karma I get for procrastinating. But really, come on, it said the trial expired on the eleventh, and today is the tenth. I thought I had time. :(
So now I'm just really killing time until I can rush to complete my homework and hopefully the trial I'm downloading lasts for a while so I won't have to work on my final until this weekend.

Speaking of this weekend, I'm watching the house of a friend and her two boys and her dogs while she is away with her husband and friends... i think they are camping. So that is where I will be from tomorrow until Sunday sometime so I'm not really sure if I'm going to be blogging much. I think I have said everything I really need or want to for tonight, so I'm gonna log off and say goodnight to all of you and I hope you have a wonderful evening.

Forever Young....

I am so sad, one of my favorite shows has had its season finale. That's right, Greek has come to an end. ZBZ and KT from Greek row will no longer exist on television to entertain me from the mundane everyday life I live in. I am sad because that was an amazing show. It was funny but not overly dramatic. Sure some parts had me rolling my eyes but I'm just glad they had such a good run. It was on for four years I believe, or seasons. I don't really know, I started watching it last year on Hulu. But that's beside the point. I love that show. Its over, I'm sad. I'm gonna have to buy the entire series like i did for Gilmore girls because its just that awesome so I can watch the re-runs over and over. I hope anyone who watched the show will continue to support it in your memories and never forget the characters who touched our lives.

In other news, I am once again procrastinating on my homework. I know what your going to say, BAD TAMI! and I would have to agree with you. I should be getting some homework done but I'm putting it off. It's the last week of classes and everything is almost over. Tomorrow I'm going to try to get a couple of finals done early and then Justin said we would have a webcam date! I'm ecstatic about that. It's been a long time since we have had one and it will be nice to see him while I talk to him. Since I don't have my cousin tomorrow, I have all day to get ready and clean and do homework, which is probably why I'm so anti homework right now. Plus I have to give a presentation Thursday and my group wasn't really into doing anything and I felt like most of them weren't taking it seriously. Oh well, that's what happens in school. I thought it was just high school but nope, its college too. I am very glad that next quarter all of my classes are online so I won't have to deal with the idiocies of others and everything falls on me. If i succeed its because i put effort into it, if I don't then its because I didn't. Not because of other people.

I'm sort of running out of steam here. I don't really know what else to talk about because my day has been boring so far. It kinda actually sucks. I can't wait to talk to Justin tonight, that will be the highlight of my day. It's always the highlight of my day. I know, I'm so lame, but I'm not really. I wish he could be here but he can't so I will just have to wait until he can be. So for now I'm going to say good bye bloggers of the world, I will hopefully type something more inspiring tomorrow.

Its Been One Heck of a Day at Sea Sir...

So I woke up this morning after having this way weird dream that I was back in my high school choir on one of the annual competition trips with my best friend Trisha and there was a lot of junk food in our hotel room which seemed more like an apartment. And then I went to give an old lady the key to the room and there was this issue with money for some reason so I gave her thirty dollars because my choir teacher was getting angry we were holding up the whole group when we had to get going. It was a really weird dream.


Anyways... so I woke up this morning after having the weird dream and I was able to take a shower and chill with my friend who was staying at my house, that's when I got a call from my aunt asking if I had forgotten to pick my cousin up from school. I leapt up and started running around getting my shoes on and I was out the door. I picked him up from his school office and I felt sooooo bad. All he said was "why are you so late?" to which I responded "I forgot." He said "YOU FORGOT!" in that cute little kid way of disbelief and I said "yeah I'm sorry, if it happens again I will give you five bucks." He didn't really seem excited about the prospect of getting money. But that's a five year old for you. Anyways, i took him to daycare and then had to rush back so I could get my friend to the bus on time so that she could get home and get some stuff done and taken care of. After that I got a call from another friend who I was suppose to study with so I got myself together and headed over to her house. I was there for about four hours and we didn't get any homework done. Yeah.... Bad Tami I know. Anyways so I just got back and wanted to post a blog before I got started on my homework. I just have to read my accounting chapter for tomorrows tutoring session and I have to come up for some ideas for the presentation my group has to give on Thursday.


Now you may be wondering what's been going on with the drama, or you may not. But I have decided that I still want to be friends with the guy I mentioned before. I don't think he wants to be friends with me because lots of people have been talking and messages have been messed up in retelling and such. I don't know, we will have to see where it goes. I told him I was always gonna be here for him if he ever needed to talk or anything so he knows where to find me if he does want my friendship. I am done with drama though. Like seriously, everyone just needs to grow up. If people acted like adults and not children then we wouldn't have near the problems we do. But people miscommunicate and misconstrue what others say and get all offended by things before talking to the person who is at the source by sitting down and having an adult conversation with them. Its just really messed up. I don't know, there is always gonna be drama because people are just like that and for some reason I attract people like that because I am a good listener and advice giver. Sometimes it just blows up in my face. Oh well though, I'm getting to the point where i really don't care one way or another.


I mean, its not like I don't have problems of my own. I do, and I don't have the time to get stressed out because of other people when I really have my own problems to take care of. You think this is a selfish thought process? I don't. I put Me, then Justin, then my family, then my friends, then everyone else in that order of importance. I put myself first because if I don't take care of myself, and put effort towards what I want in life then I'm not going to be a good person, I'm not going to be motivated, and I'm not going to be working towards goals which would make me a bad girlfriend to Justin. He is number two on my importance because after taking care of me, our relationship is the most important thing in my life. I don't know how I would function without his love and understanding. My family is third because they are always going to be there to pick me up when I'm down and keep me on my feet. They will pull me back from the edge of disaster. And just because I say family that doesn't necessarily mean blood. A couple of my friends are put into that equation because they are like sisters and brothers to me. Then there is friends and everybody else because if you don't fall into the first three well sorry but your just not that high on my importance list. And I don't even know if I can count taking care of me as number one because that is just a given. I have to take care of myself, so really Justin is number one, family is two, and everyone else can just wait until I have the time and patience to deal with them. I'm trying to keep my life from falling apart around me so If you aren't Justin, or you aren't family, just back away and don't expect my attention or concern because chances are you wont get it and will end up pissed at me but I don't really care.


I'm done rambling for now, I got out what I wanted to say.... I think. Who knows, if not I will post another update tomorrow for anyone who reads and wants to know but mostly for myself so that I don't blow up at innocent bystanders when they ask me a simple question such as "where is the closest hospital?" Lol. Night all.

I know! I love blogging!

So I'm sitting in my room on my bed blogging on my iPod and my best friend, who I signed up for a blog yesterday just told me how she had a lot of random shit to say on a daily basis that she never talks to anyone about so I said "isn't blogging great?" and she responded with what is now the title of this post. So I'm realizing it's really hard to blog on an iPod and since this was a fun experiment I think I'm done with it for now because it's really hard to type what I want to say. So I will post another update later. Bye for now :)

Fool me once... Shame on you, Fool me twice... Shame on me

Wow, so last night as I was reading the blog of someone I knew I found out a lot about a certain someone, who I considered a friend and a brother, that didn't particularly settle well with me. Turns out not only has he been messing with the heads of one of my best friends but also with two other chicks. I cannot believe this big teddy bear would turn out to be a player but the evidence was laid out right in front of my face. There were days and events and circumstances that were just too true to ignore. I felt raw and angry inside. I felt betrayed even though I was not involved in the situation in any way. I cannot believe this guy would fuck around with my best friends head and think that everything was OK. She was so upset last night that I drove forty five minutes to pick her up and bring her to my house so she could calm down, vent, rant, rave and feel better.

I must admit I am still in shock and I am incredibly torn. I don't know if I want to be friends with this boy, this child (because his actions were far from those of a man) but at the same time I don't know if I can just abandon him by the wayside to let the sharks eat him up. He created a world for himself where he is comfortable. He doesn't want to take care of himself but wants everyone else to take care of him. Although he is older than me I feel like he is a fragile child who will break in front of my eyes if I abandon him. I don't know, maybe that's just the image he projects to so many who know him, maybe I still have the wool over my eyes, or maybe I am being selfish. But I worked hard to save our friendship not even a month ago and I don't know if I'm just ready to let all my hard work crumble.

I wish I could talk to Justin about this but he hasn't called yet. Later when he does I will talk to him about it and get his input. I'm just so, lost right now. Because of this friends blog I realized I was a complete idiot and bitch to her so I wrote her a letter apologizing for my stupidity and naivete. She accepted my apology and forgave me, but I still feel like I have a lot of mending to do concerning a lot of people. I believed lies... half truths... and made assumptions thinking I had the whole story when oh boy was I far from it.

I don't know. There has just been a lot of drama going on recently and I just want it all to end. I thought with high school this sort of thing would stop but it hasn't. If anything the drama has gotten much worse. I don't think it helps that I still get irritated really easily at the smallest things. I feel lost right now. Like I'm floating in the water just waiting for something to pull me in another direction.

My sister is sick and doing her "poor me" routine. Acting childish and pouting when she doesn't get her way. Alright maybe that isn't fair to say. It just seems like she always milks it when she gets sick. And I get really tired of it because she gets sick a lot. Or if she isn't sick then she is injured in some way. I don't know its just really starting to get on my nerves because she is slacking off. She always slacks off though, and uses her depression as an excuse and then my mom feels bad because if she tries to discipline her or anything then she will just act all depressed and lock herself up in her room which makes my mom feel bad. Do you see my frustration with the situation?

On the plus side I have my entertainment back, I just wish it was under better circumstances. One of my best friends is back at my house so we are chilling and making up with people who we have wronged and finding closure with the situations. She is having an easier job at it than I am but hey, what can I say, I suck at letting things go. My room is coming along very slowly. I don't know when its going to be done but I'm starting to get annoyed that not everything has a place. Grrrr. Well I think I am just about typed out for right now. I don't really have anything else to say that I haven't already said. So I'm going to go and make my friend entertain me. Hope you all out there have a fantabulicious day.

Oh my goodness gracious

I have not posted in a week! How horrible of me to deny all of my readers my infinite words of wisdom. I'm just kidding, I don't have readers. :) This blog is all for me to vent and rant and rave! Muahahahaha. Anyways, so it seems like a lot has happened when in all reality not all that much has happened at all. Last time i was posting about getting over being sick and some stuff that was going on with a friend.

Well, this last week a really good friend of mine came over and stayed with me and we completely re-arranged my room. I still have a hard time sleeping but I think that is going to happen no matter what I do with my room. I'm going through all of my stuff and I went through some of my books and sold the ones I didn't really read. I could have probably gotten more money from them than I did but oh well, I sorta needed the cash asap. I still have a long way to go before my room is the way I want it to be, but I think I should be done with everything I want to get done by April.

My friend who was over has been having a lot of guy problems recently. Her ex has started some stuff with her and everyone knows they should just try being together but so far it isn't happening. I don't know, I'm sort of to the point where I just tell her that she should give up on him. I mean, don't get me wrong he is a great guy and someone I consider a really good friend, it just seems like relationship wise he causes a lot of drama. So anyways lots has been going on with them and my great friend (the chick) has wanted to blow up and honestly I don't blame her.

So when me and her were driving around we noticed my car was smoking from under the hood. Well that's not a good sign so we pulled over and found out the radiator was leaking. So I had to bring it home and my mom's boyfriend had to fix it. Lovely. I got a guilt trip from him because although he is a mechanic he hates working on cars when he is at home. Its understandable, but when a radiator is leaking and needs to be replaced you should sort of just do it for the safety of the household ya know? I mean I understand complaining if its something small like the window wipers or something but when its huge like an axle or radiator just do it and don't complain! It really ticks me off that I'm made to feel guilty about something that I had no control over and then he mentions I could pay him to compensate or something and I was like "I don't have any fucking money. I have three dollars to my name right now" and that was not exaggerating. I had two dollars in my checking and a single dollar bill in my wallet. So I was made to feel doubly guilty for making him work on my car that's really, really old and of course is going to have problems, and also for not being able to pay him for the work he did because why? Oh yeah, I don't have a job! I'm trying to find one but I made certain commitments and until they are fulfilled I am outta luck as far as a job goes. Thankfully my aunt pays me for taking my cousin to daycare.

I am still sick. I went to the doctors and they gave me some medicine but I still have a chronic cough that refuses to go away. At least it doesn't have my doubled over gagging in complete pain. So I guess I'm better but still on the mend. And tonight I have a headache which doesn't help my situation at all. I took some Tylenol and its just starting to kick in. Hopefully my headache will be gone in an hour or so.

School is going pretty good. I had to get a tutor for Practical Accounting and she is helping me out a little bit but I don't understand what I'm learning which is the entire problem. Oh well I only have about a week left and two days of finals and then I'm done for the quarter. I'm probably going to have to get a loan to cover the cost of my books and stuff but that really can't be helped. And I am determined to pay my mom back for everything she has bought this last year for school and for letting me live here and not kicking me out so I figure I owe her about two thousand and once I get that payed off I will start paying for my gas, my part of the phone bill, and rent if she will let me. Then I wont feel like a leech anymore and I will actually feel useful.

I have had a lot of issues lately dealing with people but I think that it is all getting better. I still get annoyed really easily but I hope I have worked out the major issues with the people I had them with. I don't know, it still needs to be proven whether that obstacle has been brought down or if there will be more headbutting in the future. I think what I need to do is go up to Alaska and live in a secluded cabin for a week, away from everyone. But then I will go mad from boredom. Speaking of boredom, last night I was so bored I put on make up and took some pictures then posted them on facebook. I looked at them this morning and I looked like a crack whore. Wow, what was I thinking? lol.

Anyways I think that's it for now. I can't really think about anything else I want to talk about besides the fact that I miss Justin sooooo much. Like its not even funny. I fucking miss my sexy man. :( I'm getting all depressed now because he hasn't called yet so I'm gonna stop typing. Hope you all out in cyberland are doing well this evening. Peace!