Some days are just worse than others when it comes to dealing with the separation and today is one of those days.
So he surprised me by being on Skype tonight and we chatted on there for a while typing and then he said he was going to go to be so I was all “can I call you to say goodnight” and he said “When do I ever not call” and then I felt like an idiot because of course he always calls me. So even before he calls i’m already holding back tears.
Then he calls and he is just so tired he is passing out on me. I can tell, we aren’t even talking just sitting in silence and I'm trying to hold back the tears and not cry on him because I hate doing that. So I'm about at my limit, I’ve already leaked a couple tears so I say my normal goodbyes and he said “No, don’t go” like a little kid who is extremely tired but wants one more bedtime story. I almost broke then, but I took a deep breath and said ok I will stay on the phone until your asleep. Of course this is just more silence or me just talking to break the silence even though I know he is already asleep. So I wait a minute or so before I ask if he’s asleep and I don’t get an answer so I know he is passed out. So I say my goodbyes and hang up the phone but I know my voice was cracking the whole time. Thank goodness he was asleep and couldn’t hear.
As soon as I hit the end button I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Now i’m just bawling and I have no idea why. I feel so lost right now and I just want to cuddle up to him and rub his back and watch him fall asleep but i’m all the way across the country and I just miss him so much. Long distance sucks so bad, but its better than not having him at all. May can’t come soon enough. I can’t keep breaking like this. I need to see him. And Skype webcam really sucks cuss it just makes me miss him even more. Damn, I hate this. ((Written March 14))
Well, It's been a while since I have updated my blog. Not much to say besides I'm done with my finals and can now take two weeks to just relax and have some quality "me time" before I have to go back to school and then will have absolutely no time for me since I am doing homework 24/7. I'm not complaining, I'm the one who piles on the workload and I know this. I'm just saying that sometimes I wish I could have some sort of a break while I was in school to read a book for myself or hang out with friends or go shopping or something.
I hung out with my best friend Chris yesterday and it was awesome. We sat in my room and talked for two hours and during that time i reminisced about my childhood because, yeah, I'm weird like that. My room is now completely clean. I have some stuff I have to take to the goodwill and then everything will be put away in my room. I got my red sweatshirt to wear on Fridays, its comfy but not very warm so I think I will try to find another one. The problem is finding a sweatshirt that doesn't have a ton of writing or labels on it. I have writing on my clothing unless I specifically pick it out. So finding solid colored clothing that looks good is kind of difficult for me.
Anyways, I have to take my sister to school in a couple of minutes and I don't have my cousin today so I think I'm going to do my nails, run to the bank, and possibly see if I can find someone to hang out with. Fun plan right? I know. So um yeah, that's about it for now. I will talk to you people later.
So he surprised me by being on Skype tonight and we chatted on there for a while typing and then he said he was going to go to be so I was all “can I call you to say goodnight” and he said “When do I ever not call” and then I felt like an idiot because of course he always calls me. So even before he calls i’m already holding back tears.
Then he calls and he is just so tired he is passing out on me. I can tell, we aren’t even talking just sitting in silence and I'm trying to hold back the tears and not cry on him because I hate doing that. So I'm about at my limit, I’ve already leaked a couple tears so I say my normal goodbyes and he said “No, don’t go” like a little kid who is extremely tired but wants one more bedtime story. I almost broke then, but I took a deep breath and said ok I will stay on the phone until your asleep. Of course this is just more silence or me just talking to break the silence even though I know he is already asleep. So I wait a minute or so before I ask if he’s asleep and I don’t get an answer so I know he is passed out. So I say my goodbyes and hang up the phone but I know my voice was cracking the whole time. Thank goodness he was asleep and couldn’t hear.
As soon as I hit the end button I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Now i’m just bawling and I have no idea why. I feel so lost right now and I just want to cuddle up to him and rub his back and watch him fall asleep but i’m all the way across the country and I just miss him so much. Long distance sucks so bad, but its better than not having him at all. May can’t come soon enough. I can’t keep breaking like this. I need to see him. And Skype webcam really sucks cuss it just makes me miss him even more. Damn, I hate this. ((Written March 14))
Well, It's been a while since I have updated my blog. Not much to say besides I'm done with my finals and can now take two weeks to just relax and have some quality "me time" before I have to go back to school and then will have absolutely no time for me since I am doing homework 24/7. I'm not complaining, I'm the one who piles on the workload and I know this. I'm just saying that sometimes I wish I could have some sort of a break while I was in school to read a book for myself or hang out with friends or go shopping or something.
I hung out with my best friend Chris yesterday and it was awesome. We sat in my room and talked for two hours and during that time i reminisced about my childhood because, yeah, I'm weird like that. My room is now completely clean. I have some stuff I have to take to the goodwill and then everything will be put away in my room. I got my red sweatshirt to wear on Fridays, its comfy but not very warm so I think I will try to find another one. The problem is finding a sweatshirt that doesn't have a ton of writing or labels on it. I have writing on my clothing unless I specifically pick it out. So finding solid colored clothing that looks good is kind of difficult for me.
Anyways, I have to take my sister to school in a couple of minutes and I don't have my cousin today so I think I'm going to do my nails, run to the bank, and possibly see if I can find someone to hang out with. Fun plan right? I know. So um yeah, that's about it for now. I will talk to you people later.
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