Day 22, Start of week 4?

I can't write much tonight. I still have three chapters to read for homework and I have to get up super early but I just wanted to say that art teachers aren't really all that organized and its driving me crazy! Hopefully i will have time to do a full on vent tomorrow because I have a lot I want to get out. Got to talk to my baby on facebook this morning and that made me uber happy! Here's my pic.

Thats me tired after several hours of reading and vocabulary. I look like crap but at least my homework is getting done! And baby, although you dont read this I know that you know that I ask for your safety everday and I love you with all of my heart. Every short conversation we have gives me the fuel to make it through those days when I don't hear from you at all. I love you with all of my heart and soul babe, you are my world. Stay safe and sleep well.

Day 21

Ok so to start off with I did not sleep at all last night. Thats right not a wink, so I was so tired when I had to get up at 5:45 this morning. I threw on some jeans and a hoodie sweatshirt figuring most of my classes would be cold (I was right thankfully) and by 6:20 I was out the door. I got to school about an hour later and the doors were locked. I was unable to get my books or id card. Then i went to my first class where I was so tired that my brain wasn't really functioning. After that class was over I had 20 minutes to get my books but they gave me two of the wrong ones so i proceeded to have to go to the bookstore 2 more times. They also gave me the interior design started kit which was huge and heavy and it took two trips to load it all in my car. I think I will enjoy my classes once I get use to the early mornings. Now I know what Justin felt like for work everyday because we have about the same hours now. At least if his schedual hasn't changed we do. Anyways im super tired and don't feel like writing alot. Nothing super eventful happened. Im just beat. Below is my picture of the day.

I look tired huh, well im even more tired than those pictures portray. Anyways, baby, I hope you had a good day at work and are probably just waking up as I type this so I hope you had a good nights sleep and have a good day at work today. I love you a ton, and I really wish I could call you up and chat your ear off about everything that happened today. Lets just say the ID cards are a mess. I love you tons, and miss you so much. I can't wait until you get skype and then we can chat and you can see the silly faces I make as i describe things. Take care of yourself love. I will see you tonight in my dreams.

Day 20

Its the twentieth day and the first day that I almost forgot to do a picture and a blog. I havn't felt well and so i did everything i cold to make myself tired so i would sleep and wake up early enough for school. Then i woke up five minutes ago and realized that I hadn't done my nightly ritual so that being said this is going to be a very short blog so I can go back to sleep.

I found this photo on my phone taken from the first time justin was with me after his deployment. I brightened it as much as I could so that I could put it online and so people can see me and make him out. I also talked to maddi today and we had a great conversation. Baby, im so sorry this blog post is short, but I need to get to sleep so I can go to school in like six hours. I know you understand and would probably be telling me to quit this stupid blog and go to sleep if you were here right now. Because you love me and know how I am in the mornings. I really love you baby, and I hope you have a great day at work. Take care of yourself love, and I will hopefully talk to you tuesday. I love you with all my heart and will meet you in my dreams.

Day 19

So today started out good, woke up to a facebook alert telling me Justin had comment on one of my posts so I logged on and was able to talk to him for a couple of hours before I had to pack up the car and head down to my aunts. My mom drove behind me the whole way and it made me way nervous so i drove really slow and carefully so she wouldn't yell and of course she said i was driving too slow, it actually gave her a headache. Then we had to unload the car and get everything moved in to the room and set up, and had to get all of my clothes put away and the internet together. Thankfully we got that all set up with minor problems. The internet took a while because one guy told us how to do it the wrong way then we had to call customer service. But my aunt dealt with that with my mom while i set up my room. My pictures are all hung up and im super proud of the collage one I had. I wish i could put up a picture but I can't. I start school on monday and honestly im not looking foreward to the 8 am class that I have an hour commute to get to and I have to be at the school early to get all of my books and supplies. Ick! Monday is going to be a very long day.

I had crazy weird dreams last night, Im not going to put in any details here but one was definatly nightmarish and the other was just scary. This pic of the day is posted above, charlie and simba moving into their new abode. I was going to take a pic with me in it but I don't like how they turned out. My aunt took us all out to dinner and somehow I twinged my back so now it hurts really bad and I dont know what to do! But anyways im pretty happy with the way my room turned out, and really glad I was able to start off the day talking to my baby. Sweet darling Handsom man of mine, you make my every day something worth looking foreward to. I never know when I will hear from you and evertime I do it puts a smile on my face. You are amazing, you are my world, I dont know what I would do without you and I hope I never have to find out. We have some tough times ahead of us, but just know that I am willing to work through anything, I love you baby with all of my heart and I cannot wait until I get to hold you in my arms once more. Sleep well baby, take good care of yourself, enjoy your days, and I will talk to you again soon.

Day 18

I got a call! I got to hear his voice! I miss him so much. Hearing his voice filled me with so much happiness and at the same time made me miss him all the more. He called even though he didn't have many minutes. He wanted to hear my voice because he misses me too. I wanna jump an airplane and go see him now but I can't. I have to wait paitiently and most importantly we have to plan. Because if we don't plan and talk out every possible option than something is going to get screwed up somewhere, and we don't want that to happen. He told me he watched the anime episodes we watched together and it made my want to give him a huge hug, cuddle up in the crook of his arm, and listen to his heart beat while we watched them together. One day we will be able to do that, and one day he will be tired of my constant cuddles, but until that day comes... and even after that day... I am going to cling to every precious moment we spend in each others presense.

I talked to one of my best friends today via skype and it was so good to catch up with her. I also got to meet her new husband which was cool. We talked for about an hour and I just gotta say I miss that girl tons too. I got sidetracked writing because someone needed my help and the poor girl. I feel so bad for her. I wish i could give her a big pint of ben and jerrys to help her feel better. So im going to post my pic of the day and then end my blogging for the night.

Thats my pic with my phone in honor of the phone call. Hey baby, I know you wont read this but I miss you so much, thank you for always trying your best to be honest with me even when its hard. Thank you for respecting me and telling me whats on your mind and how you feel, but most of all thank you for loving me as much as I love you. You have no idea how much your love means to me. I know we can make it through any obstacle that blows our way and we will get everything figured out. I love you baby with all of my heart, stay safe, sleep well, and I will talk to you soon.

Day 17

Hello dear blog, you are almost like a diary or journal except I censor what I write in you for you are public and everyone on the internet can see you and my dear friend that is a lot of people. So news for the day are that I got to talk to Justin for a couple of hours this morning and that made me uber happy and I can officially say something now, Justin proposed and I accepted. Thats right we are engaged. Im thrilled, i wanted to say something yesterday but i wasn't sure if he was ready to tell everyone but today he changed our facebook status and so i figured if all of our family and friends could see it, it was allright to write on this blog.

My allergies are acting up so its really hard to concentrait on my thought process when i feel like im going to sneeze every five seconds but i will try. We mostly talked today about differnet plans and all of the paperwork we would need and such to make it happen. Thankfully he isn't tired of talking about it yet... just wait until i mention the dress and cake. He wanted to tell his dad himself which he plans to do this next week, so if everything goes according to plan and they dont see it on facebook before he can tell them then I will be happy. I want to tell his dad before he finds out via facebook but I also agree with Justin that its something his dad should hear from him. I dont know im kinda nervous about all of it. Its so exciting and at the same time feels so unreal. Anyways enough about engagment talk.

My daily photo was put on facebook, I choose to do a pic of my fur baby leo because I love him very much and he is a great comfort to me whenever I need him. The plans for the charlie and simba winnie the pooh effects kinda didn't work out so well so I vetoed them. Anways below is the pic for day 17.

My eyes itch and i feel all uncomfortable so im not going to write much more. I think i may watch netflix or just pass out for a couple of hours. I love you baby with all of my heart and soul and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you. You are an amazing man and I am truly blessed to have found you. You are my other half and the key to my soul and baby, I will never let you go. I hope you have an amazing day at work, I love you babe take care and stay safe.

Day 16

Thats right it has been sixteen days since my baby left and I have to say the time is just dragging on and on. Each day feels slower than the next and when i think back a day or two it seemed like it happened forever ago. I discovered that i dont do well driving alone on the freeway so if im going on a long drive I have to call someone in order to keep myself alert or i start getting drowsy and will black out on whole streches of the highway. I got my schedual for classes and I have one at 8 am that I am dreading. I will have to get up at 5 or 6 just to be ready to be out the door in time and i am going to be so nautious im not sure how my driving will be. Im seriously considering getting a bus pass. I have to finish packing up all of my clothing and other little items that I will need at my aunts house and I need to make double sure that I bring all my sweats and sweaters. She keeps the house cold because she is always hot. I was freezing down there. I also have to take my wii and get a small tv that it will hook up to and some hanging shelves so that I have enough room for everything. I have way too much that i consider a necissity to make it through everyday life.

Justin is so adorable, he messages me while he is at work and sometimes its just one word or so but its still him going out of his way to get ahold of me and I really appreciate it. I can't wait until he gets his internet set up so we can skype and i can hear his voice. I miss the sound of his voice so much. I call my answering machine to listen to the one message he left me. I really hope that I am going to be able to go to Germany and see him soon. I miss him tons allready, if i have to wait longer than a year to see him I may just go insane.

Im running out of ideas for pictures of the day. Im recycling old photos and just doing graphic edits to them lately. Its so lame I know but I dont have all that much to take a picture of and I dont want to take one of me every single day. Anyways, speaking of daily pics, here is the one for day 16.

I think it kinda has a winnie the pooh vibe going to it. Like the old school winnie the pooh story books. Anyways, i think its cute. I think in a day or so im going to get all dolled up again and take some more pictures to do fun editing with. I downloaded GIMP2 so i have a lot more options now too. I also think im going to take a pic of just charlie with this effect and just simba and see how they turn out. Anyways, i think im done blogging for tonight. So baby, think of me while you sleep tonight, in my dreams I will hold you tight. Kiss my lips softly, and I will feel it even if we are miles apart. Babe I love you, with all my heart. Stay safe my handsom soldier, keep me in your thoughts, your always in mine. I miss you and we will talk again soon.

Day 15 and start of week 3

So I went to my school orientation today and found out lots of fun stuff regarding going to Germany and we are trying to re-arrange my schedual. So it all looks good. I didn't get to meet my admin lady who i have been talking to but thats ok. The guy who leads my Interior Design group is really nice and willing to co-operate with my odd schedual request.

I wish i had more to write but I really dont, probably because im at my aunts and need to get off the computer and visit soon. I found out today that i suck at driving on the freeway alone because i get sleepy. Its really bad. I almost hit a semi, not my proudest moment. Anyways, the pic of the day is below.

I would have alot more to write but I have to talk to my baby about it all first so until then its kinda top secret info. lol. Anyways, I loves you baby with all my heart and soul. I wanna call you up and talk your ear off right now but i will wait patiently until the next time we can talk. Stay safe, im still here waiting for you always and forever. I love you so much and I miss you tons. We will talk really soon baby love.

Day 14 (2 weeks officially)

So i am at my aunts house right now and I have mostly everything set up in the room except my shoes and clothes which are still at my house. Orientation is tomorrow and im super excited and can't wait. I have a ton of stuff to hang up on the walls and a ton of things to think about regarding going to Germany. I am going, there is no question about that, just for the length of time and when isn't so certain right now. Im not really sure what to do about it but i realized today that Justin has to be involved in every step of making plans to do this. I cannot do it without him so until we really get a chance to sit down and plan out a strategy, im kinda stuck just thinking about the what ifs.

I did not hear from him today but i did get some useful advice and tips from some people and some discouraging tips from others. Tips like just give up if your not married. Not helpful people. But I have to decide if im gong to be there longer than three months because if i am i need a visa and i need to apply and figure out how to do that. I need a logical legal reason and im not sure I have on the German embasy would accept. I would give literally anything to be able to call him right now and just listen to him play his video games. I would give anything to have him here with me where i was cuddled up to him while he played his video games. I just want to hear his voice, its been too long and im having withdrawls. I have the videos i recoreded of him memorized which is a little sad.

This was my picture for day 14. Its my room, still needs some organization and fine touches but I like it and I think it looks pretty good all things considered. Im going to keep this blog post short for tonight, im on my aunts computer and really have nothing new to say. Hopefully I will have a lot to write about after orientation tomorrow. Wish me luck! And baby, you know that i love you and that we will work together to get everything figured out. Im will never leave, you can't get rid of me. Like you told me on our one year, your stuck with me, and I mean that. I love you with all my heart and i hope you are enjoying the wonderful experience you were given that is Germany. I miss you and we will talk really soon. Love you baby.

Day 13

It has been 13 days and I got to talk to him today for a little under an hour and we talked about my schooling and my going over there and some of the options available. I was kinda suprised as to what he said, but if its what he really wants to do I will be thrilled. And honestly, and i hate to say this, but finacially what he was talking about would be easiest. I just don't know his words have been running through my head all day. In a good way, a really good way. Im just hoping right now that he gets internet soon so we can get everything worked out and figured out to suit everybody in the best possible way.

I was really very happy to hear from him, it made me feel alot better especially considering my break down last night. He still loves me and wants to be with me just as much as I love and want to be with him. It was a very good day in that aspect. On the flip side it was so stinking hot and i was so irritaed with everybody at ross and walmart! They were slow and rude and just downright obnoxious. I dont do well with heat, and i was seriously sweating more that i wanted to. I got all the picture frames I wanted though and got my pictures printed out and placed in them. Happy Tami =D Now I have somewhere to place all of my pictures and see his handsom face all day long. My photo of the day was the picture frame from yesterday. I bought a matching one today that says Life takes us to unexpected places... Love brings us HOME. And I really love that frame. I have a pic of my baby in uniform in it on my bedside table. Tomorrow I head down to my aunts house to take some stuff and prepair for orientation on tuesday. Im really excited and have some things to talk with my counselors about.

I think that is everything that happened today that I have to tell about... I can't think of anything else at least. So my message to my love, as is ritual closing. Baby I love you with all of my heart, you are an amazing man and I am so lucky to have you in my life and to share a love like we have. We will work everything out school wise and work wise so dont worry about it. I love you and miss you more than you know, and I ask that you stay safe, work hard, and get that internet up soon. I will talk to you soon my love, and I will hold you in my dreams. Have an amazing day at work, and sleep peacefully.

Day 12

Twelve days have passed and I had another break down, and i dont even know why. I was laying in bed watching Switched at Birth, a very good drama, and all of a sudden my chest clenched and I started to cry. I couldn't stop until i logged onto facebook to distract me which i find incredibly sad. Yes i miss, more than anything in the world and I love him to death, with my whole heart and soul, but what does crying do? It doesn't solve anything, it doesn't change anything and it doesnt bring him back to me. Nothing can do any of those things but time.  I have a plan to see him, we have plans to move in together, we are working through this and planning out our future and we both seem to want the same thing. He seems to want me there with him as much as i want to be there with him, which i didn't think would happen. I know he loves me, just sometimes I dont realize how much. I am doing all sorts of things, trying to get through the days and the one big stress, besides him not being here, is how much germany is going to cost and what the cheapest option will be. It is going to be very, very expensive, and I am going to go over there for at least three months, nothing will stop me from doing that. I just hope I can go for longer, so we can be together longer and get to know each other even better.

I bought a collage picture frame today and can't wait to fill it with pictures of him and things that remind me of him. I also filled my picture frame I bought the other day and I think it turned out really well. I am trying to get my things together of what I need to take down to my aunts house so that I have everything, I am going to have to make two trips down there, one tuesday for my orientation, and one next weekend. I dont know what to do really. I have yet to write Justin a letter, I think im afraid once I actually send him something it will make it just that much more official. I really want to send him a picture of me in a frame, but I don't know if he will like that or not. I will probably do it just because. I want to send him a blanket that smells like me, and something that is mine for him to hold onto. I know he isn't into that stuff like I am but just for a moment I want to pretend that he is.

Picture of the day

Two promises

to always return, and never leave

That was my picture of the day for facebook. The claddah ring is my promise to always be here for him, willing to work out our issues and to never leave him. The other is the promise ring he gave me, to return home to me, and to love me forever.

The greatest happiness in life

is to LOVE

and be loved

This is a picture of the frame I bought and the picture I placed inside of it. There is one more frame I want to buy to put a picture of just him in, and the I have the collage photo frame, and I have a feeling im going to have to buy a second one of those. I have a lot of pictures I want to display around me all the time. I love my baby so very much. I love you baby, with all of my heart and soul and I swear that I am never going to leave your side. You have me hooked, and I wouldn't trade what we have for anything in the world. Sweet dreams, my love, my heart, I will hold you tonight while I sleep and dream of you and I hope you know I am always thinking of you. Stay safe, and be careful, we will talk to one another soon.

Day 11

Its been eleven days and I finally had a conversation with my baby at 4 am this morning over facebook but it was totally worth it! We talked about my schooling and how he likes it over there and it was just so good to talk to him. I couldn't hear his voice but not only is it better than nothing, talking via message is second best to a phone call or skype date. We still have a lot of things to work out regarding my school but its all good. Im just happy he still wants me to go over and stay with him for a lengthy amount of time.

My orientation is next tuesday. And today, i woke up early and hung out with a friend and her daughter (who ended up staying over last night) and another friend and we went out to eat lunch and then did some shopping and i bought a really cute picture frame to put a picture of me and Justin in, I have been meaning to do it for a long time now so im really happy I finally found one at a good price. I am so tired right now i could sleep for hours, but another friend wants to see me and talk about her wedding plans tonight so I have to head over there and see her. We havn't hung out since Justin was here so im actually really glad that we are hanging out now. Well, thats all im going to post for tonight, keeping it short and brief. The pic of today is down below.

Goodnight baby, I love you and I miss you so very much. Im so glad you are enjoying your time in Germany and I will see you again before you know it. I love you baby, stay safe and we will chat really soon.

Day 10

Its been ten days since Justin left and I miss him so much! Ick, I hate not being able to talk to him. Anyways I woke up this morning with a new facebook alert for a message but it wasn't him. So i did random stuff on facebook like played the sims and then a friend ended up coming over and we actually had a really good conversation. I was afraid for a while because she is best friends with the chick i really dont like but we were able to talk and we actually got along really well. She is actually ending up staying the night with her baby. She did my makeup and took a couple of pictures that were really cute and super amazing. Im going to send them to Justin. Here is my day ten photo which was also taken by laura... we edited it a little.

I think its gorgeous! Im so happy with it. I a really tired right now so this is going to be a super short blog post. I love you baby, i love you with all my heart and I really hope that I get to talk to you sometime soon. Take care of yourself and stay safe I miss you baby. I will send you a letter/package really soon. Love you and I will meet you in my dreams.

Week 2 Day 2 (Day 9)

So im on day nine since Justin left for Germany and I think im holding up pretty well. Yes I still wear a t-shirt of his whenever possible, Yes I still wear his dog tags, Yes I still wear his watch, Yes I still sleep with his teddy bear, and Yes I still look for his scent everywhere in my room. I miss him so much, but today I babysat danniel for cindy and made a couple of dollars which was nice. And I have plans to socialize with people tomorrow *shudder* and no I have not heard from him since tuesday when he gave me his address. Now that I have cash I have to go to the post office and get those flat rate boxes. And I have a couple of other errands to run. I miss him so much he is on my mind all day everyday. I like to think im on his mind just as much. I really hope we can chat soon and figure out the plan for me studying over there.

Leo is playing with his toys and making those cute sounds of his. I still have to pack up everything Im going to take to my aunts house. I should probably make a list. And I need to get folders together for the three weddings I am helping to plan. So see, I have things going on to keep me busy. And a new aquaintance showed me today a easy way to make some extra cash every month which I am definatly going to do. If i was more artistic I would have allready started selling stuff, but im not so i havn't. I am also going to work on looking for a job and my aunt might be able to add me to her gym membership. The sims is on facebook and that is how i have been entertaining myself.

I miss my baby, I miss him so much and I love him with all of my heart and soul and I really hope that I can talk to him soon. I feel like im going to break everytime i think of the time we have to be apart but I have the hope we can be together again very soon. I love you baby and I miss you so much. Be safe and take care of yourself and we will talk soon.

Day 9

One week and One day down... day 8

Its day 8 and today I woke up feeling like crap. I checked my phone for a message and it said he had just sent one so i sat straight up, which made my vision go black because i had a migraine, and logged onto facebook as fast as I could. Of course I missed him, its ok though, I think we was only logging on to send me his adress. Which I have now and can start planning on things to send him =D

But yeah, woke up with a migraine and intense neck pain, I totally slept wrong last night, got online stayed on for about an hour then layed back down hoping more sleep would take away the pain. It didn't and my head was throbbing. So I got up and logged on facebook. Probably not the best idea, i avoided medicne because i hate using drugs if i dont have to but it just got worse and worse all day. I didn't move from my bed unless I absolutly had to. At one point it got so bad that i couldn't move at all for fear of vomiting. My taste buds are off and the headache is coming back so im thinking I may have caught a flu virus of some sort or something. I don't know, I will have to see how I feel in the morning before I make any final judgments.

Day 8 pic. I also posted a ton of other pics onto facebook, i was going through my phone so i could transfer it and found a ton. I still have quite a few pics I need to take of so I guess it will have to wait another day before I use my old phone again. His scent is fading from my room, from the fabric, and from the air. Its depressing because im not ready to let him go yet. I still want to have his scent here so it feels like he only left for a couple of minutes and will be back soon. Still wearing his dog tags and watch and I dont plan on taking them off any time soon. I miss him so much. I think im going to the post office tomorrow to pick up some of those flat rate boxes... if they aren't too expensive. If they are it will just be a letter for now until I get some extra cash.

Im done writing for tonight, I feel depressed and just want to curl up into a little ball and space out watching television which is exactly what I plan to do. I love you baby with all my heart and soul, take care of yourself and we will talk to each other soon. I miss you.