Day 12

Twelve days have passed and I had another break down, and i dont even know why. I was laying in bed watching Switched at Birth, a very good drama, and all of a sudden my chest clenched and I started to cry. I couldn't stop until i logged onto facebook to distract me which i find incredibly sad. Yes i miss, more than anything in the world and I love him to death, with my whole heart and soul, but what does crying do? It doesn't solve anything, it doesn't change anything and it doesnt bring him back to me. Nothing can do any of those things but time.  I have a plan to see him, we have plans to move in together, we are working through this and planning out our future and we both seem to want the same thing. He seems to want me there with him as much as i want to be there with him, which i didn't think would happen. I know he loves me, just sometimes I dont realize how much. I am doing all sorts of things, trying to get through the days and the one big stress, besides him not being here, is how much germany is going to cost and what the cheapest option will be. It is going to be very, very expensive, and I am going to go over there for at least three months, nothing will stop me from doing that. I just hope I can go for longer, so we can be together longer and get to know each other even better.

I bought a collage picture frame today and can't wait to fill it with pictures of him and things that remind me of him. I also filled my picture frame I bought the other day and I think it turned out really well. I am trying to get my things together of what I need to take down to my aunts house so that I have everything, I am going to have to make two trips down there, one tuesday for my orientation, and one next weekend. I dont know what to do really. I have yet to write Justin a letter, I think im afraid once I actually send him something it will make it just that much more official. I really want to send him a picture of me in a frame, but I don't know if he will like that or not. I will probably do it just because. I want to send him a blanket that smells like me, and something that is mine for him to hold onto. I know he isn't into that stuff like I am but just for a moment I want to pretend that he is.

Picture of the day

Two promises

to always return, and never leave

That was my picture of the day for facebook. The claddah ring is my promise to always be here for him, willing to work out our issues and to never leave him. The other is the promise ring he gave me, to return home to me, and to love me forever.

The greatest happiness in life

is to LOVE

and be loved

This is a picture of the frame I bought and the picture I placed inside of it. There is one more frame I want to buy to put a picture of just him in, and the I have the collage photo frame, and I have a feeling im going to have to buy a second one of those. I have a lot of pictures I want to display around me all the time. I love my baby so very much. I love you baby, with all of my heart and soul and I swear that I am never going to leave your side. You have me hooked, and I wouldn't trade what we have for anything in the world. Sweet dreams, my love, my heart, I will hold you tonight while I sleep and dream of you and I hope you know I am always thinking of you. Stay safe, and be careful, we will talk to one another soon.