Day 22, Start of week 4?

I can't write much tonight. I still have three chapters to read for homework and I have to get up super early but I just wanted to say that art teachers aren't really all that organized and its driving me crazy! Hopefully i will have time to do a full on vent tomorrow because I have a lot I want to get out. Got to talk to my baby on facebook this morning and that made me uber happy! Here's my pic.

Thats me tired after several hours of reading and vocabulary. I look like crap but at least my homework is getting done! And baby, although you dont read this I know that you know that I ask for your safety everday and I love you with all of my heart. Every short conversation we have gives me the fuel to make it through those days when I don't hear from you at all. I love you with all of my heart and soul babe, you are my world. Stay safe and sleep well.

Day 21

Ok so to start off with I did not sleep at all last night. Thats right not a wink, so I was so tired when I had to get up at 5:45 this morning. I threw on some jeans and a hoodie sweatshirt figuring most of my classes would be cold (I was right thankfully) and by 6:20 I was out the door. I got to school about an hour later and the doors were locked. I was unable to get my books or id card. Then i went to my first class where I was so tired that my brain wasn't really functioning. After that class was over I had 20 minutes to get my books but they gave me two of the wrong ones so i proceeded to have to go to the bookstore 2 more times. They also gave me the interior design started kit which was huge and heavy and it took two trips to load it all in my car. I think I will enjoy my classes once I get use to the early mornings. Now I know what Justin felt like for work everyday because we have about the same hours now. At least if his schedual hasn't changed we do. Anyways im super tired and don't feel like writing alot. Nothing super eventful happened. Im just beat. Below is my picture of the day.

I look tired huh, well im even more tired than those pictures portray. Anyways, baby, I hope you had a good day at work and are probably just waking up as I type this so I hope you had a good nights sleep and have a good day at work today. I love you a ton, and I really wish I could call you up and chat your ear off about everything that happened today. Lets just say the ID cards are a mess. I love you tons, and miss you so much. I can't wait until you get skype and then we can chat and you can see the silly faces I make as i describe things. Take care of yourself love. I will see you tonight in my dreams.

Day 20

Its the twentieth day and the first day that I almost forgot to do a picture and a blog. I havn't felt well and so i did everything i cold to make myself tired so i would sleep and wake up early enough for school. Then i woke up five minutes ago and realized that I hadn't done my nightly ritual so that being said this is going to be a very short blog so I can go back to sleep.

I found this photo on my phone taken from the first time justin was with me after his deployment. I brightened it as much as I could so that I could put it online and so people can see me and make him out. I also talked to maddi today and we had a great conversation. Baby, im so sorry this blog post is short, but I need to get to sleep so I can go to school in like six hours. I know you understand and would probably be telling me to quit this stupid blog and go to sleep if you were here right now. Because you love me and know how I am in the mornings. I really love you baby, and I hope you have a great day at work. Take care of yourself love, and I will hopefully talk to you tuesday. I love you with all my heart and will meet you in my dreams.

Day 19

So today started out good, woke up to a facebook alert telling me Justin had comment on one of my posts so I logged on and was able to talk to him for a couple of hours before I had to pack up the car and head down to my aunts. My mom drove behind me the whole way and it made me way nervous so i drove really slow and carefully so she wouldn't yell and of course she said i was driving too slow, it actually gave her a headache. Then we had to unload the car and get everything moved in to the room and set up, and had to get all of my clothes put away and the internet together. Thankfully we got that all set up with minor problems. The internet took a while because one guy told us how to do it the wrong way then we had to call customer service. But my aunt dealt with that with my mom while i set up my room. My pictures are all hung up and im super proud of the collage one I had. I wish i could put up a picture but I can't. I start school on monday and honestly im not looking foreward to the 8 am class that I have an hour commute to get to and I have to be at the school early to get all of my books and supplies. Ick! Monday is going to be a very long day.

I had crazy weird dreams last night, Im not going to put in any details here but one was definatly nightmarish and the other was just scary. This pic of the day is posted above, charlie and simba moving into their new abode. I was going to take a pic with me in it but I don't like how they turned out. My aunt took us all out to dinner and somehow I twinged my back so now it hurts really bad and I dont know what to do! But anyways im pretty happy with the way my room turned out, and really glad I was able to start off the day talking to my baby. Sweet darling Handsom man of mine, you make my every day something worth looking foreward to. I never know when I will hear from you and evertime I do it puts a smile on my face. You are amazing, you are my world, I dont know what I would do without you and I hope I never have to find out. We have some tough times ahead of us, but just know that I am willing to work through anything, I love you baby with all of my heart and I cannot wait until I get to hold you in my arms once more. Sleep well baby, take good care of yourself, enjoy your days, and I will talk to you again soon.

Day 18

I got a call! I got to hear his voice! I miss him so much. Hearing his voice filled me with so much happiness and at the same time made me miss him all the more. He called even though he didn't have many minutes. He wanted to hear my voice because he misses me too. I wanna jump an airplane and go see him now but I can't. I have to wait paitiently and most importantly we have to plan. Because if we don't plan and talk out every possible option than something is going to get screwed up somewhere, and we don't want that to happen. He told me he watched the anime episodes we watched together and it made my want to give him a huge hug, cuddle up in the crook of his arm, and listen to his heart beat while we watched them together. One day we will be able to do that, and one day he will be tired of my constant cuddles, but until that day comes... and even after that day... I am going to cling to every precious moment we spend in each others presense.

I talked to one of my best friends today via skype and it was so good to catch up with her. I also got to meet her new husband which was cool. We talked for about an hour and I just gotta say I miss that girl tons too. I got sidetracked writing because someone needed my help and the poor girl. I feel so bad for her. I wish i could give her a big pint of ben and jerrys to help her feel better. So im going to post my pic of the day and then end my blogging for the night.

Thats my pic with my phone in honor of the phone call. Hey baby, I know you wont read this but I miss you so much, thank you for always trying your best to be honest with me even when its hard. Thank you for respecting me and telling me whats on your mind and how you feel, but most of all thank you for loving me as much as I love you. You have no idea how much your love means to me. I know we can make it through any obstacle that blows our way and we will get everything figured out. I love you baby with all of my heart, stay safe, sleep well, and I will talk to you soon.

Day 17

Hello dear blog, you are almost like a diary or journal except I censor what I write in you for you are public and everyone on the internet can see you and my dear friend that is a lot of people. So news for the day are that I got to talk to Justin for a couple of hours this morning and that made me uber happy and I can officially say something now, Justin proposed and I accepted. Thats right we are engaged. Im thrilled, i wanted to say something yesterday but i wasn't sure if he was ready to tell everyone but today he changed our facebook status and so i figured if all of our family and friends could see it, it was allright to write on this blog.

My allergies are acting up so its really hard to concentrait on my thought process when i feel like im going to sneeze every five seconds but i will try. We mostly talked today about differnet plans and all of the paperwork we would need and such to make it happen. Thankfully he isn't tired of talking about it yet... just wait until i mention the dress and cake. He wanted to tell his dad himself which he plans to do this next week, so if everything goes according to plan and they dont see it on facebook before he can tell them then I will be happy. I want to tell his dad before he finds out via facebook but I also agree with Justin that its something his dad should hear from him. I dont know im kinda nervous about all of it. Its so exciting and at the same time feels so unreal. Anyways enough about engagment talk.

My daily photo was put on facebook, I choose to do a pic of my fur baby leo because I love him very much and he is a great comfort to me whenever I need him. The plans for the charlie and simba winnie the pooh effects kinda didn't work out so well so I vetoed them. Anways below is the pic for day 17.

My eyes itch and i feel all uncomfortable so im not going to write much more. I think i may watch netflix or just pass out for a couple of hours. I love you baby with all of my heart and soul and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you. You are an amazing man and I am truly blessed to have found you. You are my other half and the key to my soul and baby, I will never let you go. I hope you have an amazing day at work, I love you babe take care and stay safe.

Day 16

Thats right it has been sixteen days since my baby left and I have to say the time is just dragging on and on. Each day feels slower than the next and when i think back a day or two it seemed like it happened forever ago. I discovered that i dont do well driving alone on the freeway so if im going on a long drive I have to call someone in order to keep myself alert or i start getting drowsy and will black out on whole streches of the highway. I got my schedual for classes and I have one at 8 am that I am dreading. I will have to get up at 5 or 6 just to be ready to be out the door in time and i am going to be so nautious im not sure how my driving will be. Im seriously considering getting a bus pass. I have to finish packing up all of my clothing and other little items that I will need at my aunts house and I need to make double sure that I bring all my sweats and sweaters. She keeps the house cold because she is always hot. I was freezing down there. I also have to take my wii and get a small tv that it will hook up to and some hanging shelves so that I have enough room for everything. I have way too much that i consider a necissity to make it through everyday life.

Justin is so adorable, he messages me while he is at work and sometimes its just one word or so but its still him going out of his way to get ahold of me and I really appreciate it. I can't wait until he gets his internet set up so we can skype and i can hear his voice. I miss the sound of his voice so much. I call my answering machine to listen to the one message he left me. I really hope that I am going to be able to go to Germany and see him soon. I miss him tons allready, if i have to wait longer than a year to see him I may just go insane.

Im running out of ideas for pictures of the day. Im recycling old photos and just doing graphic edits to them lately. Its so lame I know but I dont have all that much to take a picture of and I dont want to take one of me every single day. Anyways, speaking of daily pics, here is the one for day 16.

I think it kinda has a winnie the pooh vibe going to it. Like the old school winnie the pooh story books. Anyways, i think its cute. I think in a day or so im going to get all dolled up again and take some more pictures to do fun editing with. I downloaded GIMP2 so i have a lot more options now too. I also think im going to take a pic of just charlie with this effect and just simba and see how they turn out. Anyways, i think im done blogging for tonight. So baby, think of me while you sleep tonight, in my dreams I will hold you tight. Kiss my lips softly, and I will feel it even if we are miles apart. Babe I love you, with all my heart. Stay safe my handsom soldier, keep me in your thoughts, your always in mine. I miss you and we will talk again soon.

Day 15 and start of week 3

So I went to my school orientation today and found out lots of fun stuff regarding going to Germany and we are trying to re-arrange my schedual. So it all looks good. I didn't get to meet my admin lady who i have been talking to but thats ok. The guy who leads my Interior Design group is really nice and willing to co-operate with my odd schedual request.

I wish i had more to write but I really dont, probably because im at my aunts and need to get off the computer and visit soon. I found out today that i suck at driving on the freeway alone because i get sleepy. Its really bad. I almost hit a semi, not my proudest moment. Anyways, the pic of the day is below.

I would have alot more to write but I have to talk to my baby about it all first so until then its kinda top secret info. lol. Anyways, I loves you baby with all my heart and soul. I wanna call you up and talk your ear off right now but i will wait patiently until the next time we can talk. Stay safe, im still here waiting for you always and forever. I love you so much and I miss you tons. We will talk really soon baby love.

Day 14 (2 weeks officially)

So i am at my aunts house right now and I have mostly everything set up in the room except my shoes and clothes which are still at my house. Orientation is tomorrow and im super excited and can't wait. I have a ton of stuff to hang up on the walls and a ton of things to think about regarding going to Germany. I am going, there is no question about that, just for the length of time and when isn't so certain right now. Im not really sure what to do about it but i realized today that Justin has to be involved in every step of making plans to do this. I cannot do it without him so until we really get a chance to sit down and plan out a strategy, im kinda stuck just thinking about the what ifs.

I did not hear from him today but i did get some useful advice and tips from some people and some discouraging tips from others. Tips like just give up if your not married. Not helpful people. But I have to decide if im gong to be there longer than three months because if i am i need a visa and i need to apply and figure out how to do that. I need a logical legal reason and im not sure I have on the German embasy would accept. I would give literally anything to be able to call him right now and just listen to him play his video games. I would give anything to have him here with me where i was cuddled up to him while he played his video games. I just want to hear his voice, its been too long and im having withdrawls. I have the videos i recoreded of him memorized which is a little sad.

This was my picture for day 14. Its my room, still needs some organization and fine touches but I like it and I think it looks pretty good all things considered. Im going to keep this blog post short for tonight, im on my aunts computer and really have nothing new to say. Hopefully I will have a lot to write about after orientation tomorrow. Wish me luck! And baby, you know that i love you and that we will work together to get everything figured out. Im will never leave, you can't get rid of me. Like you told me on our one year, your stuck with me, and I mean that. I love you with all my heart and i hope you are enjoying the wonderful experience you were given that is Germany. I miss you and we will talk really soon. Love you baby.

Day 13

It has been 13 days and I got to talk to him today for a little under an hour and we talked about my schooling and my going over there and some of the options available. I was kinda suprised as to what he said, but if its what he really wants to do I will be thrilled. And honestly, and i hate to say this, but finacially what he was talking about would be easiest. I just don't know his words have been running through my head all day. In a good way, a really good way. Im just hoping right now that he gets internet soon so we can get everything worked out and figured out to suit everybody in the best possible way.

I was really very happy to hear from him, it made me feel alot better especially considering my break down last night. He still loves me and wants to be with me just as much as I love and want to be with him. It was a very good day in that aspect. On the flip side it was so stinking hot and i was so irritaed with everybody at ross and walmart! They were slow and rude and just downright obnoxious. I dont do well with heat, and i was seriously sweating more that i wanted to. I got all the picture frames I wanted though and got my pictures printed out and placed in them. Happy Tami =D Now I have somewhere to place all of my pictures and see his handsom face all day long. My photo of the day was the picture frame from yesterday. I bought a matching one today that says Life takes us to unexpected places... Love brings us HOME. And I really love that frame. I have a pic of my baby in uniform in it on my bedside table. Tomorrow I head down to my aunts house to take some stuff and prepair for orientation on tuesday. Im really excited and have some things to talk with my counselors about.

I think that is everything that happened today that I have to tell about... I can't think of anything else at least. So my message to my love, as is ritual closing. Baby I love you with all of my heart, you are an amazing man and I am so lucky to have you in my life and to share a love like we have. We will work everything out school wise and work wise so dont worry about it. I love you and miss you more than you know, and I ask that you stay safe, work hard, and get that internet up soon. I will talk to you soon my love, and I will hold you in my dreams. Have an amazing day at work, and sleep peacefully.

Day 12

Twelve days have passed and I had another break down, and i dont even know why. I was laying in bed watching Switched at Birth, a very good drama, and all of a sudden my chest clenched and I started to cry. I couldn't stop until i logged onto facebook to distract me which i find incredibly sad. Yes i miss, more than anything in the world and I love him to death, with my whole heart and soul, but what does crying do? It doesn't solve anything, it doesn't change anything and it doesnt bring him back to me. Nothing can do any of those things but time.  I have a plan to see him, we have plans to move in together, we are working through this and planning out our future and we both seem to want the same thing. He seems to want me there with him as much as i want to be there with him, which i didn't think would happen. I know he loves me, just sometimes I dont realize how much. I am doing all sorts of things, trying to get through the days and the one big stress, besides him not being here, is how much germany is going to cost and what the cheapest option will be. It is going to be very, very expensive, and I am going to go over there for at least three months, nothing will stop me from doing that. I just hope I can go for longer, so we can be together longer and get to know each other even better.

I bought a collage picture frame today and can't wait to fill it with pictures of him and things that remind me of him. I also filled my picture frame I bought the other day and I think it turned out really well. I am trying to get my things together of what I need to take down to my aunts house so that I have everything, I am going to have to make two trips down there, one tuesday for my orientation, and one next weekend. I dont know what to do really. I have yet to write Justin a letter, I think im afraid once I actually send him something it will make it just that much more official. I really want to send him a picture of me in a frame, but I don't know if he will like that or not. I will probably do it just because. I want to send him a blanket that smells like me, and something that is mine for him to hold onto. I know he isn't into that stuff like I am but just for a moment I want to pretend that he is.

Picture of the day

Two promises

to always return, and never leave

That was my picture of the day for facebook. The claddah ring is my promise to always be here for him, willing to work out our issues and to never leave him. The other is the promise ring he gave me, to return home to me, and to love me forever.

The greatest happiness in life

is to LOVE

and be loved

This is a picture of the frame I bought and the picture I placed inside of it. There is one more frame I want to buy to put a picture of just him in, and the I have the collage photo frame, and I have a feeling im going to have to buy a second one of those. I have a lot of pictures I want to display around me all the time. I love my baby so very much. I love you baby, with all of my heart and soul and I swear that I am never going to leave your side. You have me hooked, and I wouldn't trade what we have for anything in the world. Sweet dreams, my love, my heart, I will hold you tonight while I sleep and dream of you and I hope you know I am always thinking of you. Stay safe, and be careful, we will talk to one another soon.

Day 11

Its been eleven days and I finally had a conversation with my baby at 4 am this morning over facebook but it was totally worth it! We talked about my schooling and how he likes it over there and it was just so good to talk to him. I couldn't hear his voice but not only is it better than nothing, talking via message is second best to a phone call or skype date. We still have a lot of things to work out regarding my school but its all good. Im just happy he still wants me to go over and stay with him for a lengthy amount of time.

My orientation is next tuesday. And today, i woke up early and hung out with a friend and her daughter (who ended up staying over last night) and another friend and we went out to eat lunch and then did some shopping and i bought a really cute picture frame to put a picture of me and Justin in, I have been meaning to do it for a long time now so im really happy I finally found one at a good price. I am so tired right now i could sleep for hours, but another friend wants to see me and talk about her wedding plans tonight so I have to head over there and see her. We havn't hung out since Justin was here so im actually really glad that we are hanging out now. Well, thats all im going to post for tonight, keeping it short and brief. The pic of today is down below.

Goodnight baby, I love you and I miss you so very much. Im so glad you are enjoying your time in Germany and I will see you again before you know it. I love you baby, stay safe and we will chat really soon.

Day 10

Its been ten days since Justin left and I miss him so much! Ick, I hate not being able to talk to him. Anyways I woke up this morning with a new facebook alert for a message but it wasn't him. So i did random stuff on facebook like played the sims and then a friend ended up coming over and we actually had a really good conversation. I was afraid for a while because she is best friends with the chick i really dont like but we were able to talk and we actually got along really well. She is actually ending up staying the night with her baby. She did my makeup and took a couple of pictures that were really cute and super amazing. Im going to send them to Justin. Here is my day ten photo which was also taken by laura... we edited it a little.

I think its gorgeous! Im so happy with it. I a really tired right now so this is going to be a super short blog post. I love you baby, i love you with all my heart and I really hope that I get to talk to you sometime soon. Take care of yourself and stay safe I miss you baby. I will send you a letter/package really soon. Love you and I will meet you in my dreams.

Week 2 Day 2 (Day 9)

So im on day nine since Justin left for Germany and I think im holding up pretty well. Yes I still wear a t-shirt of his whenever possible, Yes I still wear his dog tags, Yes I still wear his watch, Yes I still sleep with his teddy bear, and Yes I still look for his scent everywhere in my room. I miss him so much, but today I babysat danniel for cindy and made a couple of dollars which was nice. And I have plans to socialize with people tomorrow *shudder* and no I have not heard from him since tuesday when he gave me his address. Now that I have cash I have to go to the post office and get those flat rate boxes. And I have a couple of other errands to run. I miss him so much he is on my mind all day everyday. I like to think im on his mind just as much. I really hope we can chat soon and figure out the plan for me studying over there.

Leo is playing with his toys and making those cute sounds of his. I still have to pack up everything Im going to take to my aunts house. I should probably make a list. And I need to get folders together for the three weddings I am helping to plan. So see, I have things going on to keep me busy. And a new aquaintance showed me today a easy way to make some extra cash every month which I am definatly going to do. If i was more artistic I would have allready started selling stuff, but im not so i havn't. I am also going to work on looking for a job and my aunt might be able to add me to her gym membership. The sims is on facebook and that is how i have been entertaining myself.

I miss my baby, I miss him so much and I love him with all of my heart and soul and I really hope that I can talk to him soon. I feel like im going to break everytime i think of the time we have to be apart but I have the hope we can be together again very soon. I love you baby and I miss you so much. Be safe and take care of yourself and we will talk soon.

Day 9

One week and One day down... day 8

Its day 8 and today I woke up feeling like crap. I checked my phone for a message and it said he had just sent one so i sat straight up, which made my vision go black because i had a migraine, and logged onto facebook as fast as I could. Of course I missed him, its ok though, I think we was only logging on to send me his adress. Which I have now and can start planning on things to send him =D

But yeah, woke up with a migraine and intense neck pain, I totally slept wrong last night, got online stayed on for about an hour then layed back down hoping more sleep would take away the pain. It didn't and my head was throbbing. So I got up and logged on facebook. Probably not the best idea, i avoided medicne because i hate using drugs if i dont have to but it just got worse and worse all day. I didn't move from my bed unless I absolutly had to. At one point it got so bad that i couldn't move at all for fear of vomiting. My taste buds are off and the headache is coming back so im thinking I may have caught a flu virus of some sort or something. I don't know, I will have to see how I feel in the morning before I make any final judgments.

Day 8 pic. I also posted a ton of other pics onto facebook, i was going through my phone so i could transfer it and found a ton. I still have quite a few pics I need to take of so I guess it will have to wait another day before I use my old phone again. His scent is fading from my room, from the fabric, and from the air. Its depressing because im not ready to let him go yet. I still want to have his scent here so it feels like he only left for a couple of minutes and will be back soon. Still wearing his dog tags and watch and I dont plan on taking them off any time soon. I miss him so much. I think im going to the post office tomorrow to pick up some of those flat rate boxes... if they aren't too expensive. If they are it will just be a letter for now until I get some extra cash.

Im done writing for tonight, I feel depressed and just want to curl up into a little ball and space out watching television which is exactly what I plan to do. I love you baby with all my heart and soul, take care of yourself and we will talk to each other soon. I miss you.

It's been one week since you looked at me... Day 7

Thats right folks, one week has passed and I wish I could say that time was flying by but its not. Thankfully I have facebook to keep me occupied. I am a member of a lot of military support groups and today I was made an admin in one of them. Its great because I can initiate games and give people help when they are having a tough time like I am. Nights are still the hardest. But i do have some good news, He sent me a message on facebook today I only missed him by 40 minutes. You can bet i was kicking myself for rolling over for a couple more minutes of sleep. But you know what alot of stuff like that happens. He told me the cell he bought wasn't meant for international use, only local in Germany. He also hasn't worn his hoodie because it still smells like me, I thought that was really sweet. I miss him so much, I cried today when I realized what I had missed him by, it was tough. Im really not use to not hearing from him and I can honestly say that I really hate it. I thought I had my phone set up to alert me when I recieved a new facebook message but turns out I havn't and I dont know how to do it.

Theres the photo for day 7, I was told I look pretty but I feel like crap. Today I watched nothing but disney channel and did stuff on facebook. I also watched a movie with my mommy and I think im going to watch hudson hawk when im done blogging because I really love that movie. Its so funny. His scent is beginning to fade and I don't know how to hang onto it. I'm not ready to let it go yet, Im not ready to give up any part of him. I know it will happen eventually wether i want it to or not, but im really hoping I can hold onto him for another week, just until I have something going that will keep me busy at the very least. Please let his scent linger for that much longer. I think I may have a hard time falling asleep tonight, I hope I dream of him, and get to hold him close. I love you baby so much, you are in my heart and soul for all of eternity. Stay safe and we will chat real soon love.

Day 6

Almost one week has passed since he left and its getting a little easier although I still miss him as much as I did the day he walked onto the airplain. Im not crying nearly as much and have yet to cry today, although I havn't layed down for sleep yet so I may have just jinxed myself. I watch the videos I took of him at look at pictures everynight and I also listen to my one saved voicemail from him. I wish I could talk to him again, but I know that probably wont happen for a while. I dont care if he wakes me up in the middle of the night honestly, I would give anything to hear his voice. Our last phone conversation was cut off before I could say my "talk to you laters" and I dont know if it was him or the phone running out of minutes. I may have found a way to talk to him lots for cheap but I have to talk to him about it first.

Mommy and me watched celtic thunder storm tonight and it was really good, although I was distracted through half of the programing by things moving in the corner of my eye. And now its time for bed and I am worried about what may happen tonight. I feel cold all over and while im always cold, this cold has an odd chill to it. I have my Simba and Charlie Bear to watch over me and my amethist to help me sleep. Then there is everything Justin left me which has absorbed his energy and that should really help keep the bad things away, especially the dreams. I miss him so much, I wish there was a way to talk to him at this very moment and tell him everything that has happened. Im use to talking to him everyday and telling him everything and the past week I have been able to tell him nothing and heard nothing about what he has been going through at his new station. I dont know if he has made new friends (although im almost certain he has, people tend to flock to him) or when he will be in his permanent room, or how he likes it there or anything. It is upsetting to me because i like sharing in his everyday life... and there aren't many I could talk to who understand what I mean when I say things.

I have my baby kitty Leo who will watch over and protect me. He is a good cat and I love him very much. Justin aproves of him and told him it was his official job to watch over me while he was away, it was really cute cuss Leo kinda bowed his head in acknowledgement then gave both of us love before walking around my room like an inspection. He is such a sweetheart. I will be so sad if I can't take him with me to my aunts house. Speaking of which I need to start packing up all my stuff and figure out what exactly I want to take and how I am going to make it all fit.

Day 6 Photo



I know im not dwelling on Justin as much in this post, but dont think that means I dont miss him because I do so very much, but I need to get out and do things while he is away. I can't sit in my room and cry all the time. I have to see people and socialize (even though I hate it) and I have a life to live and plans to work out and then put into action. Like my t-mobile cell. Its unrealiable because it turns off in the middle of use so I have to find my old one and hope that it works. Anyways I think I have rambled enough about nonsense that I can comfortable miss my baby while I lie in bed and try to sleep.

I love you baby, with all my heart and I wish for your safety and hope to see you everynight in my dreams. Take care of yourself and quickly adjust to the time difference so you get a decent amount of sleep. Dont sleep in and miss work. And figure out a way to contact me soon so I know your ok. I love you my sweet, my dear, my life. I will hold you tonight in my dreams. I love you, I miss you, stay safe.

Day 5

Nothing exciting happened today. I went to my aunts house and got my futon set up as well as my adjustable laptop desk. We had a problem setting up the wireless internet router. Then we ate red robins for dinner. And came home and I cuddled up on the couch with charlie bear. I wore his broken watch today as well as the tags and a shirt. Now im wearing my favorite t-shirt he gave me and getting ready to watch a movie with my mommy.

I love my baby and I miss him terribly. I tried to call the number he called me from today but of course it wouldn't connect :( I knew it wouldnt but that doesn't help. I really dont like not being able to talk to him. Im spamming his inboxes with little e-mails saying short I love yous and long blather. But I dont know what else to do. I miss him so much and since I can't talk to him to get that release I do these other things.

Pic of the day posted to facebook. I miss my baby so much, I want to cry all the time but I can't keep doing that because my mom is tired of seeing me cry and hearing about it. She just doesn't understand and I am not that strong right now. I am slowly getting my strength back. I love you baby. I love you so much. I miss you so much. Take care of yourself. Stay safe. I will meet you in my dreams and hold you again soon. We will talk in no time. Love you baby, I love you.

Day 4

Last night I dreamt my baby was with me again and we cuddled and held each other close knowing he only had a couple of minutes until he had to go back. I didn't want to wake up from that dream because it was so nice, I could almost feel his arms around me.

Last night was hard, i fought sleep for the longest time because I was afraid of having another nightmare. Thankfully I didn't have one. I dreamt of my love.

Today I searched for cheap ways to call each other and I think I may have found one. I sent him an e-mail describing the details.

Today I got a six minute phone call that left me in tears. He was so drunk he was throwing up and he sounded so miserable. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hold him close. He kept telling me he missed me and he wished I was there, I told him I wished I was there and missed him too. Then he had to leave because he wasn't sure how many minutes he had and I cried so hard because I missed him and I was relieved to finally hear his voice and know he was ok and I wanted to talk to him more. I wanted to be selfish and use all his minutes. I wasn't done hearing his comforting, loving voice. But the phone call had to end and it did. I dont know when I will talk to him next but I really hope that it will be soon.

Yesterdays picture was me having fun with picture effects, and todays was me cuddling with charlie bear and I think the picture actually turned out quite good. Since I dont have any kids to take pictures of I can only take random pics or pics of me doing random things. I have a feeling most of the pictures are going to end up being of me and charlie bear or just charlie bear.

I think they are cute, although some people probably think im silly and pathetic. But hey, I am a hopless romantic with my silly and pathetic moments which I actually have quite often and my baby loves and accepts me anyways. Im pretty sure the silly stupid things I do make him smile more than anything else even though he would never admit it. He likes to act all tough, but im slowly breaking down those walls he has up. I love my baby and I am so thankful, so greatful for the call today. I hope I get another soon or he gets internet soon. Either one would work for me really. I miss him so much but im glad he is safe. I love you baby, take care of yourself.

Day 3

Last night was just as hard it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. I had another nightmare last night and i.dreamt of having to say goodbye to him all over again at like seven different airports. I listened to babe by styx and it made me cry so hard because the night before he left he held me in his arms singing it to me and stroking my hair. I miss him so much. And i was doing so well today until i saw what time it was in germany and i wanted so badly to give him a wakeup call but i cant. It made me cry again. I really hope he is settling in well and i hope i get to talk to him soon. I love him so much and i miss him. I want him back but until i can have him i will hold onto our memories, his teddy, tshirts and tags. Love u babe. Take care of yourself and we will talk really soon.

Day 2

Its the second day of being away from him and I just have to say that last night was hard, almost as hard as watching him walk onto the plane because i layed in my bed and had nothing but the memories of us and longed for his warmth and embrace. I watched the videos I had of him recorded, to hear his voice and see his face, I looked at the pictures, and I listened to my one voice mail. I didn't dream of him either, but i did have a night scare and that really shook me up. I really hope I dream of him tonight, because sometimes when I dream of him I can almost feel his arms around me.

Waking up wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I clung to his shirt and charlie bear, so thankful that I had those small pieces of him to hold onto. I logged onto facebook almost immediately to distract my mind but by noon i was bored and logged off. That was my first mistake, my thoughts wondered and it made the afternoon harder so I decided to watch some TV, then mom came home and I helped her make dinner. We are watching TV now and I'm just trying to keep the time passing. I really wish it was the weekend so I could go set up my room at my aunts house for school.

I sent him an e-mail and a facebook message so hopefully he will get Internet soon and I can talk to him to know that he landed safely and is getting all set up. I miss him so badly. This year will pass by quickly and then I will be able to join him for a short time in Germany... hopefully. To pass time I'm blogging and keeping track of daily pictures to show the passing of time.

The first one was a pic of my Simba (stuffed animal from childhood) and Justin's Charlie Bear (stuffed animal from childhood).

The second was a combined picture of me touching noses with charlie bear.

He posted on facebook a really sweet status update. "Walking off that terminal and on to that plane to leave her behind was one the hardest things i have ever had to do, i miss you babe" and it made me cry really hard. He doesn't normally post anything mushy like on facebook so it meant a lot to me.

I just really miss him and I want him back right now. I know that's not going to happen but I want it anyways. I'm going to save up a lot of money so maybe I can visit him during a break from school, maybe Christmas or something like that. Spring break might be better, I will have to talk about it with him and see what he says. I have no idea what his schedule will be like at his new home. But hopefully we will be able to work something out. I will have to see what his ideas are like I said, and see how the saving up of the moneys go because visiting another country is not cheap.

Anyways, that's my update for day 2, I'm done for now. I will post again tomorrow. Hope I dream of you tonight baby, I love you so much and cannot wait to hear from you. Stay safe.

Day One, Week One, Month One, Year One

Day one of separation, week one of separation, month one of separation, year one of separation.

He boarded the plane last night at 11:30 and watching him walk through the terminal doors was one of the hardest things I have had to do in my entire life. I know it wasn't any easier for him because he looked back at me before walking through. I don't know if I have ever cried so hard in my life as I did last night, because it was the beginning of our two year separation. He is stationed in Germany for 2 years and as of right now I have no idea when I will see him next, hear his voice, or even just hear from him to know he is OK. We don't know yet how we will communicate or if we will be able to call each other. Skype is an option but first he has to get his Internet set up.

I'm trying to do everything I can to distract myself from the fact that he isn't with me. I'm wearing one of the shirts he left me and last night I slept with his teddy bear and the set of dog tags he left. Its so hard being without him even though that's more normal than being with him. He was here for less than two weeks but we became so much closer in that small amount of time than we have been previously. I don't know what I'm going to do with ought hearing from him everyday, its going to be torturous. But like I said I'm trying to keep busy. I already uploaded all of the pictures I took while he was here to facebook and tagged him in them. Thank god facebook is there for a distraction, if i didn't have it i would probably be going insane right now but while I'm on it I can tune out my thoughts.

I did so much better this time when he with here with not crying on him. Last time I cried alot but i only cried three times not counting the night he boarded the plane which is a whole lot better. We had a couple of small problems while he was here but we worked through them and I think its a part of what brought us closer. Some people don't understand why we are the way we are or why we agree to what we have agreed with or even why we are still together even though he is in a different country for two years, but they aren't in our situation, they don't have to go through what we have to go through. For "normal" relationships, its very hard to understand a military one unless you have been in one yourself. Your point of views change and so do you. Anyways, we worked through our issues and told each other a lot of truths that were held back and I think we are that much stronger for it. I miss him so much right now.

He bought me a promise ring and it is absolutely gorgeous, some people say its more of an engagement looking ring, but its a promise ring. He has amazing taste in jewelry and knows what I like. It also represents him so I'm really happy with it. Its white gold (which is awesome because I hate yellow) With cubic zurconia stones and the two bands separate from each other but I wear them together. I wear my Claddah in the engagement position but its really just my promise to him that no matter what happens we will work through it an I will be here for him. We will get engaged when we are both ready and not a moment sooner. Besides I think we don't need to be engaged because we are just happy where we are right now in our relationship. Why rush and ruin it?

I'm already planning what to send in his first care package, he has requested I send him a couple pairs of shoes that wouldn't fit in his bag and I have two games to pick up for him that he pre-ordered. As soon as I get his address I'm going to send him a letter at the very least. I'm also going to send him photos and maybe a video recording of me. I wish I could still call him to wake him up in the mornings, I'm going to miss that.

My distractions while he is away are thankfully going to be very time consuming so hopefully I wont have a ton of time to dwell. I'm going to start studding at a new school for a Bachelors in Interior Design and I will be living with my aunt for a while well I go to school and try to find a job so I can hopefully get my own apartment. Also, I have two friends who have asked for my help in planning their weddings which are a couple of years down the road so I can look up stuff for them in my spare time. It will help because its what I want to do for a living.

I'm also going to try to do a picture a day sort of thing on facebook and post on here daily even if its just a line or two. The time I spent with Justin while he was here was amazing and it just solidified my belief that we are meant to be together. Even when things were tense we still were able to work things out and smile in the end. I miss my baby so much and I just want him to return to me. I'm going to do my best to find a way to get to him. I love you baby and I hope you have a safe trip and a wonderful time adventuring in Germany. Take lots or pics and take care of yourself. I miss you already <3