Pre-Valentine's Day Blues....

Tomorrow is Valentines Day, and I have been trying to avoid the thought of it. This is harder than you would think. I hate that its our second Valentines Day we have been together and yet both times we have been separated. I am just thankful he isn't in Iraq right now.

Valentines Day, to me, is not about the cards, the chocolates or the jewelry. It's not about the gifts you spend too much money on to buy each other. To me, It is simply spending time with that one person who I love more than anything else in the world. I don't care if I get a teddy bear or anything. I just want to be with him and feel his arms around me, protecting me, loving me. I want to hold him and have him hold me, and I would be perfectly happy with doing just that for an entire day. I know he loves me, but I want to feel that love. The phone calls are wonderful. I love the fact that I get to talk to him every night. But I wish that they weren't the only thing keeping me from going insane. I wish that I could see him more often. I wish that he wasn't stationed across the entire country thousands of miles away from me.

I would be so happy to curl up next to him and watch a horror movie. To have him threaten to scare me and act freaked out when I know deep down inside that he won't scare me at all. Instead he will hold me and not let me get too freaked out. I wish that I could give him a hard time for something idiotic and then have him poke fun at me until I am laughing so much my cheeks hurt. I wish things were different.

But the fact of life is that they are not. Life is the way it is and I have to deal with whatever it wants to throw at me next. I have to be separated from him now and In the future we will be together. I have to deal with these hardships now so in the future when we argue about finances I know we will be able to make it through anything because we made it through over a years long distance relationship. I stood by him while he was deployed and I plan to stand by him the next time he gets deployed. And the time after that, and the time after that. I will support him in his decisions like I know he will support me in my goals. I will always be waiting for him, no matter where he goes or how long he is gone for.

He has my heart, totally and completely. He is my whole world. I can imagine life without him and its torturous. I picture loosing him in any way and my breath catches and I cry. I love him so deeply that I will hold on to him with whatever I can and I believe he loves me just as much as I love him and feels the same way. We have our issues to work out... everybody does. But I know that we will make it through it because we are both strong and we love each other.

Valentines Day depresses me because all the above thoughts flow into my head and I know I am going to see many happy couples tomorrow. I will want to scream and cry, and probably glower at all of them. But I won't, I will ignore the longing I feel and I will continue on my way. I will be happy for all of my friends who are able to be with there loved ones tomorrow and I will try not to envy them too much. I will talk to him tomorrow night and I will not bring up the fact that it is Valentines Day. I will act like it is any other normal day and won't say anything I don't normally say. But inside I will be holding back tears and all the longing "I miss you so much" words. And when we say goodnight, I will hang up the phone and feel sad, but I will know that he is thinking of me and missing me too.

I don't know if I will post anything tomorrow. It will probably be a repeat of all that I already said. But who knows, I may end up posting something not too horribly depressing. Anyways, I'm done for now because I feel like moping. Night all, and I hope that everyone who reads enjoys their day with loved one to the fullest. Enjoy the day and try not to fight. Count all of the precious moments.

~Tamizan Rae~

I am a military girlfriend. I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be. I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no Military ID card, I am not a “dependent” or a parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers, and I am at the mercy of those who possess this recognition for news. I understand this and accept this.

I am a military girlfriend. I have promised to be here for him upon his return, no matter how long he is away. People may say I am insane for making such a commitment with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe to me. I know full well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.

 

I am a military girlfriend, there is no ring on my finger that symbolizes our commitment. I hope every day that he will be able to call because a simple 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions… smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief communication where “I love you and I’m okay” speaks more than volumes and gives me the strength to keep going.

 

I am a military girlfriend. I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice, and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off, and start a new day.

 

I am a military girlfriend. The events of the next several months hold my life, my love, and my future in the balance. When you watch the news reports, you may turn away and go about your business relatively unaffected. When I watch news stories of the war, I do not see nameless soldiers a half a world away. I see individuals who will be forever changed by war. News of every casualty causes me physical pain and deep sadness, and tears beyond my control.

 

I am a military girlfriend, not a spouse or family member. When you say your prayers for the wives, mothers, and fathers, please don’t forget about me.

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