Fool me once... Shame on you, Fool me twice... Shame on me

Wow, so last night as I was reading the blog of someone I knew I found out a lot about a certain someone, who I considered a friend and a brother, that didn't particularly settle well with me. Turns out not only has he been messing with the heads of one of my best friends but also with two other chicks. I cannot believe this big teddy bear would turn out to be a player but the evidence was laid out right in front of my face. There were days and events and circumstances that were just too true to ignore. I felt raw and angry inside. I felt betrayed even though I was not involved in the situation in any way. I cannot believe this guy would fuck around with my best friends head and think that everything was OK. She was so upset last night that I drove forty five minutes to pick her up and bring her to my house so she could calm down, vent, rant, rave and feel better.

I must admit I am still in shock and I am incredibly torn. I don't know if I want to be friends with this boy, this child (because his actions were far from those of a man) but at the same time I don't know if I can just abandon him by the wayside to let the sharks eat him up. He created a world for himself where he is comfortable. He doesn't want to take care of himself but wants everyone else to take care of him. Although he is older than me I feel like he is a fragile child who will break in front of my eyes if I abandon him. I don't know, maybe that's just the image he projects to so many who know him, maybe I still have the wool over my eyes, or maybe I am being selfish. But I worked hard to save our friendship not even a month ago and I don't know if I'm just ready to let all my hard work crumble.

I wish I could talk to Justin about this but he hasn't called yet. Later when he does I will talk to him about it and get his input. I'm just so, lost right now. Because of this friends blog I realized I was a complete idiot and bitch to her so I wrote her a letter apologizing for my stupidity and naivete. She accepted my apology and forgave me, but I still feel like I have a lot of mending to do concerning a lot of people. I believed lies... half truths... and made assumptions thinking I had the whole story when oh boy was I far from it.

I don't know. There has just been a lot of drama going on recently and I just want it all to end. I thought with high school this sort of thing would stop but it hasn't. If anything the drama has gotten much worse. I don't think it helps that I still get irritated really easily at the smallest things. I feel lost right now. Like I'm floating in the water just waiting for something to pull me in another direction.

My sister is sick and doing her "poor me" routine. Acting childish and pouting when she doesn't get her way. Alright maybe that isn't fair to say. It just seems like she always milks it when she gets sick. And I get really tired of it because she gets sick a lot. Or if she isn't sick then she is injured in some way. I don't know its just really starting to get on my nerves because she is slacking off. She always slacks off though, and uses her depression as an excuse and then my mom feels bad because if she tries to discipline her or anything then she will just act all depressed and lock herself up in her room which makes my mom feel bad. Do you see my frustration with the situation?

On the plus side I have my entertainment back, I just wish it was under better circumstances. One of my best friends is back at my house so we are chilling and making up with people who we have wronged and finding closure with the situations. She is having an easier job at it than I am but hey, what can I say, I suck at letting things go. My room is coming along very slowly. I don't know when its going to be done but I'm starting to get annoyed that not everything has a place. Grrrr. Well I think I am just about typed out for right now. I don't really have anything else to say that I haven't already said. So I'm going to go and make my friend entertain me. Hope you all out there have a fantabulicious day.