Or it should have been a beautiful day anyways. I woke up in a great mood, really early, and went shopping for grocery's with me mom. Then we made breakfast (Yes, I actually cooked) It was Waffles (homemade by me) eggs and sausage. It actually wasn't too bad if I do say so myself, and I do =D. But anyways, then I don't remember what I did, probably spent the day chilling or zoning out or something. I think I was on the comp. while Liz played fable 2 for the hundredth time in a row. I was finally able to kick her off and watch a copula TV shows I like. Then I helped make dinner (I know what Ur thinking, cooking twice in one day? no way. But yes, that's how good of a mood I was in today) I helped make stir fry rice and teriyaki chicken. It really wasn't all that hard but I refused to touch the raw meat. Then I did some homework and now I'm writing down everything a did today. What a boring life I lead, but its really the littlest things that make me smile, and today I have defiantly smiled. Anyways there isn't really anything else to write so, yeah. I guess that's all. I'm gonna go read Montana 1948 and finish it for class. Oh joy. Until next time =D
~Tamizan Rae
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
So much drama... so little time
Friday:
Nothing spectacular really happened, I talked to my counselor and sorta got a plan layed out for the rest of college. I got some homework I have to do this weekend... oh joy. Other than that nothing really happened. My guy, Justin, called and he played guitar and sang while I listened. It was really nice, so nice I almost fell alseep listening and that saying something because I dont usually get anywhere close to falling asleep while im on the phone talking to someone. I watched some t.v. with my mom and went so sleep. What a way to end the week.
Today:
I woke up and played on my computer. Signed up for a pogo account and played poppit. My mom had us cleaning house all day. My room is finally back to being clean and thats awsome cus I can move around in it. Then the drama hit. Oh boy. I can't really give any specifics but it basically had to do with people I know who are in relationships. Relationships always bring drama so yeah. Im tired, and its only 6 so thats awsome! (notice the sarcasm) anyways, thats all I got for today really. See ya!
~Tamizan Rae
Nothing spectacular really happened, I talked to my counselor and sorta got a plan layed out for the rest of college. I got some homework I have to do this weekend... oh joy. Other than that nothing really happened. My guy, Justin, called and he played guitar and sang while I listened. It was really nice, so nice I almost fell alseep listening and that saying something because I dont usually get anywhere close to falling asleep while im on the phone talking to someone. I watched some t.v. with my mom and went so sleep. What a way to end the week.
Today:
I woke up and played on my computer. Signed up for a pogo account and played poppit. My mom had us cleaning house all day. My room is finally back to being clean and thats awsome cus I can move around in it. Then the drama hit. Oh boy. I can't really give any specifics but it basically had to do with people I know who are in relationships. Relationships always bring drama so yeah. Im tired, and its only 6 so thats awsome! (notice the sarcasm) anyways, thats all I got for today really. See ya!
~Tamizan Rae
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Some days all I wanna be is a missing person...
... and today is one of those days. Well, it technically started yesterday but whatever. So after realizing that I had nobody near me that I really wanted to see who was available, I began to think once again about what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I know I have already talked about this but its a very pressing issue on my mind. See all I wanna do is have a family and stay home taking care of the kids and the house. Not very practical in this day and age I know. So I have to get a job and take care of me. I gotta move out of my house and start living on my own. I want bills, I want a paycheck, I want a place that is mine and not my parents. And I guess if I'm truly being honest, I wanna be wherever he is. Because I love him, because I miss him, and because he makes me happy. And right now I am anything but happy with my whole life.
I wake up every morning and I feel half empty. I go through the motions of the day just waiting for something to happen to make me feel whole again. Sometimes, something happens to make me feel just a little bit better, then reality sinks in and I wanna just curl up and sleep for a couple of years. Maybe if I did that, when I woke up everything would be better. But you see, I know that's not true. Nothing would be better because nothing can get better without someone stepping foreword and taking action.
There are several ways to solve my dilemma and each one is whirling around inside my head. I don't particularly feel like sharing because all the plans are half baked and I want to be sure before I do something or say something. I miss having a goal in life so I must create a new one. Right now everything is so confusing and knotted up in my head that I just need to take a breath and lay out everything. Lay out all my options and just pick one that (well I think anyways) will make me the most money. When I have that plan all figured out I will let you know but until then... I guess this is just my "Woe is me post".
~Tamizan Rae
I wake up every morning and I feel half empty. I go through the motions of the day just waiting for something to happen to make me feel whole again. Sometimes, something happens to make me feel just a little bit better, then reality sinks in and I wanna just curl up and sleep for a couple of years. Maybe if I did that, when I woke up everything would be better. But you see, I know that's not true. Nothing would be better because nothing can get better without someone stepping foreword and taking action.
There are several ways to solve my dilemma and each one is whirling around inside my head. I don't particularly feel like sharing because all the plans are half baked and I want to be sure before I do something or say something. I miss having a goal in life so I must create a new one. Right now everything is so confusing and knotted up in my head that I just need to take a breath and lay out everything. Lay out all my options and just pick one that (well I think anyways) will make me the most money. When I have that plan all figured out I will let you know but until then... I guess this is just my "Woe is me post".
~Tamizan Rae
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Another day, Another dollar
Today when I woke up, I figured everything would be pretty OK. After I found my jeans hiding in my little sisters drawer, I was able to put together a semi-acceptable outfit and headed out the door. I have figured out the earlier I get to school, the better chances I have of finding a good parking spot. So I got to school about two hours early and hit the library.
We are reading Montana 1948 in my lit. class right now so I read through the book and jotted down a couple of notes in my notebook then summarized part one. Sure that may be a little overkill.... especially considering I read part one two times in total.... but you know what, it really helped me out in class today. We had a short little quiz and then were broken up into groups to talk about different characters. After the first hour we always get a break so I bought myself some peanut M&M's and trotted back to class.
During the second part of class we read a poem and then started going through it one line at a time. When the professor randomly choose me it of course had to be at the part that I made a fool of myself. He pointed to me and asked what the line said. I replied with "He is going to sell the berries for a dollar" apparently this isn't what my professor was looking for. He wanted me to scream out "One dollar! berries for a dollar!" or something like that. I am positive my face was bright red because although I do like to act, I need to have a script and be able to prepair myself. The other students in the class were laughing at me of course, but i figured screw them, there aren't many people I like in the world anyways.
After class was over I had to head to my Chinese class straightaway. I joined in a small discussion without being invited, something I almost never do, and I don't think the participants were particularly pleased with me. But whatever. Class started and we spent an entire hour going over the sounds to get them correct. You may think that's overkill, but trust me, pronunciation is everything when learning a language. I think I've almost got it actually. After class my professor signed my tutor request form and I went to the office and picked up my check for financial aid.
Now i had to go to the bank and get the check cashed so I could repay my mom. That took a little bit of time and when I was done I headed for home. Now by this time of the day I am extremely hungry and craving tacos. So I figure I will just call up someone and ask if they wanna go to taco bell. Problem, only people I actually want to see are either in class, or don't live near enough that I can call them up and ask if they wanna get some lunch. This little revelation of mine depressed me to some degree that I'm still not quite over.
I have a counselors appointment Friday and I am going to ask about getting a degree (I can't remember the name of it right now, sorry!) that will only take a year or two to complete and then I can get a job while I finish out getting the English degree that I really want. I think this plan may work, and then again maybe it won't, but hey a plan is a plan. If it turns out I can't do that then I'm back to square one trying to figure out something to do with my life.
I guess what I really want to do is move out of this town, I don't care where. Anywhere will do really just as long as I get out. See I figure if I get the one year degree I can move and get a job then pay for another community college. Anyways, that's what I've figured out so far. I have more homework to do again tonight so I should probably log off.
~Tamizan Rae
We are reading Montana 1948 in my lit. class right now so I read through the book and jotted down a couple of notes in my notebook then summarized part one. Sure that may be a little overkill.... especially considering I read part one two times in total.... but you know what, it really helped me out in class today. We had a short little quiz and then were broken up into groups to talk about different characters. After the first hour we always get a break so I bought myself some peanut M&M's and trotted back to class.
During the second part of class we read a poem and then started going through it one line at a time. When the professor randomly choose me it of course had to be at the part that I made a fool of myself. He pointed to me and asked what the line said. I replied with "He is going to sell the berries for a dollar" apparently this isn't what my professor was looking for. He wanted me to scream out "One dollar! berries for a dollar!" or something like that. I am positive my face was bright red because although I do like to act, I need to have a script and be able to prepair myself. The other students in the class were laughing at me of course, but i figured screw them, there aren't many people I like in the world anyways.
After class was over I had to head to my Chinese class straightaway. I joined in a small discussion without being invited, something I almost never do, and I don't think the participants were particularly pleased with me. But whatever. Class started and we spent an entire hour going over the sounds to get them correct. You may think that's overkill, but trust me, pronunciation is everything when learning a language. I think I've almost got it actually. After class my professor signed my tutor request form and I went to the office and picked up my check for financial aid.
Now i had to go to the bank and get the check cashed so I could repay my mom. That took a little bit of time and when I was done I headed for home. Now by this time of the day I am extremely hungry and craving tacos. So I figure I will just call up someone and ask if they wanna go to taco bell. Problem, only people I actually want to see are either in class, or don't live near enough that I can call them up and ask if they wanna get some lunch. This little revelation of mine depressed me to some degree that I'm still not quite over.
I have a counselors appointment Friday and I am going to ask about getting a degree (I can't remember the name of it right now, sorry!) that will only take a year or two to complete and then I can get a job while I finish out getting the English degree that I really want. I think this plan may work, and then again maybe it won't, but hey a plan is a plan. If it turns out I can't do that then I'm back to square one trying to figure out something to do with my life.
I guess what I really want to do is move out of this town, I don't care where. Anywhere will do really just as long as I get out. See I figure if I get the one year degree I can move and get a job then pay for another community college. Anyways, that's what I've figured out so far. I have more homework to do again tonight so I should probably log off.
~Tamizan Rae
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Introductory babble
So as my very first post in this brand spanking new blog... which I've actually been signed up for for a while... anyways, I'm just going to post some of the basics about me and my life and what is currently relevant.
My Name is Tamizan, my dad found it in a book, and I am nineteen years old. This is my first year out of high school and in college and so far I cannot say that I am particularly loving it. I am still living at home, and going to the local community college. Right now my plan is to study English and possibly go into editing, but lately that plan hasn't really seemed like the one I should take. Well, for the first thing, I am not great at editing anything and what I really wanna do is write. I currently have a few ideas for stories in my head and the only reason they are still there is I cannot make myself sit down and finish writing them out.
I know that writing as a profession is unpractical and its not the way to make a comfortable living. If I was to get an English degree then about the only thing I could really do with it is become a teacher, something that I really don't want to do. So I thought about getting a business degree... however the classes I would need for that seemed even less appealing. I really want a job that would give me a steady, and fairly good, income but I just can't seem to find one that would catch and keep my interest.
I am taking two classes at the college right now, the first is a combined English lit. and writing class dealing with Outlaws and Outcasts, the second is first year Chinese. I have already requested a tutor for my Chinese class even though classes only started yesterday. I requested one because I know my past with learning languages (I have tried both French and Japanese) and I can never learn the grammar part of the language. I am having an especially hard time with the pronunciation in my Chinese class. I really want to do well and succeed which is why I am requesting a tutor extra early.
So that's about it for my school life, my family life is pretty straight forward. I live with my mom, sister, and mother's boyfriend. I hate living at home and really wish I could move out but because I have no job (mostly because there are little to no jobs to be had where I live) that is something that will not happen since I can't afford it. I barely got enough financial aid to pay for tuition and books. My sister is still in high school, she is a Junior this year and she is really good at art. I hope she gets an art scholarship so she can become a cartoonist like she wants. My mom is one of my best friends, I know that sounds cheesy but its true, I tell her everything and in return she trusts me and I don't really have any curfews or restrictions on my life. Which is actually really great. My dad lives in Oklahoma with my step-mom and two youngest siblings. I have one other sister that lives with her mom a couple of hours away from me. And that's about the basics of my family life.
Moving on to everything else. Lets see, I have two very best friends. One went away to college and the other is with me at the community college. We don't really hang out a lot, but that's alright because when we do its great. I have a boyfriend who I am very much in love with who is in the military. Our relationship is long-distance and can be hard at times but I cannot imagine my life without him. He is the only one I want in my life, for the rest of my life, and I'm going to do everything I can to hold onto him.
He was here for a month after his deployment to Iraq, and it was amazing seeing him and making our connection that much stronger. Admittedly when he was in Iraq I had a lot of doubts, but now I have next to none. See, how we started dating is kinda complicated in the first place. He was here on a two week leave before he left for deployment. My best friend (the one who's going to the same college as me) introduced us and, well, I fell for him fast and hard. I only spent three days with him in total before he left and was shipped over seas. While he was there, we sent e-mails to each other two or more times a week and just talked about.... well.... everything. So when he was here for his month leave when he got back, we really had a chance to connect. I was mostly worried that when we saw each other again it just wouldn't be the same, but it was. And now I am extremely happy and I guess you could say that I have faith that we will be able to make it through whatever tough times lie ahead of us.
Anyways, that's probably enough about my life, I image those of you who have read to this point must be extremely bored and I can't blame you. I am writing this blog as a way to sort out my thoughts and just kinda get out what I need to. Yes, I do know that's what a diary is for... and I will not be posting everything on here (I do have a diary for personal matters) but I find that it's much easier to type then write out pages at a time so I'm gonna give this blog thing a shot and see how it goes. I have some homework I should probably get done for my classes tomorrow anyways so I'm gonna log off. I will post again probably tomorrow.
~Tamizan Rae
My Name is Tamizan, my dad found it in a book, and I am nineteen years old. This is my first year out of high school and in college and so far I cannot say that I am particularly loving it. I am still living at home, and going to the local community college. Right now my plan is to study English and possibly go into editing, but lately that plan hasn't really seemed like the one I should take. Well, for the first thing, I am not great at editing anything and what I really wanna do is write. I currently have a few ideas for stories in my head and the only reason they are still there is I cannot make myself sit down and finish writing them out.
I know that writing as a profession is unpractical and its not the way to make a comfortable living. If I was to get an English degree then about the only thing I could really do with it is become a teacher, something that I really don't want to do. So I thought about getting a business degree... however the classes I would need for that seemed even less appealing. I really want a job that would give me a steady, and fairly good, income but I just can't seem to find one that would catch and keep my interest.
I am taking two classes at the college right now, the first is a combined English lit. and writing class dealing with Outlaws and Outcasts, the second is first year Chinese. I have already requested a tutor for my Chinese class even though classes only started yesterday. I requested one because I know my past with learning languages (I have tried both French and Japanese) and I can never learn the grammar part of the language. I am having an especially hard time with the pronunciation in my Chinese class. I really want to do well and succeed which is why I am requesting a tutor extra early.
So that's about it for my school life, my family life is pretty straight forward. I live with my mom, sister, and mother's boyfriend. I hate living at home and really wish I could move out but because I have no job (mostly because there are little to no jobs to be had where I live) that is something that will not happen since I can't afford it. I barely got enough financial aid to pay for tuition and books. My sister is still in high school, she is a Junior this year and she is really good at art. I hope she gets an art scholarship so she can become a cartoonist like she wants. My mom is one of my best friends, I know that sounds cheesy but its true, I tell her everything and in return she trusts me and I don't really have any curfews or restrictions on my life. Which is actually really great. My dad lives in Oklahoma with my step-mom and two youngest siblings. I have one other sister that lives with her mom a couple of hours away from me. And that's about the basics of my family life.
Moving on to everything else. Lets see, I have two very best friends. One went away to college and the other is with me at the community college. We don't really hang out a lot, but that's alright because when we do its great. I have a boyfriend who I am very much in love with who is in the military. Our relationship is long-distance and can be hard at times but I cannot imagine my life without him. He is the only one I want in my life, for the rest of my life, and I'm going to do everything I can to hold onto him.
He was here for a month after his deployment to Iraq, and it was amazing seeing him and making our connection that much stronger. Admittedly when he was in Iraq I had a lot of doubts, but now I have next to none. See, how we started dating is kinda complicated in the first place. He was here on a two week leave before he left for deployment. My best friend (the one who's going to the same college as me) introduced us and, well, I fell for him fast and hard. I only spent three days with him in total before he left and was shipped over seas. While he was there, we sent e-mails to each other two or more times a week and just talked about.... well.... everything. So when he was here for his month leave when he got back, we really had a chance to connect. I was mostly worried that when we saw each other again it just wouldn't be the same, but it was. And now I am extremely happy and I guess you could say that I have faith that we will be able to make it through whatever tough times lie ahead of us.
Anyways, that's probably enough about my life, I image those of you who have read to this point must be extremely bored and I can't blame you. I am writing this blog as a way to sort out my thoughts and just kinda get out what I need to. Yes, I do know that's what a diary is for... and I will not be posting everything on here (I do have a diary for personal matters) but I find that it's much easier to type then write out pages at a time so I'm gonna give this blog thing a shot and see how it goes. I have some homework I should probably get done for my classes tomorrow anyways so I'm gonna log off. I will post again probably tomorrow.
~Tamizan Rae
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