One Year Today

I woke up this morning to a text from Justin and it made me smile from ear to ear. He said "Congratulations babe, we made it a year, ur stuck with me." To which i responded "Yay! I love you" lol.

I can't believe it has been an entire year since I started dating him. The time has passed really slowly and yet gone by so fast. I miss him a lot but im always happy to hear his voice when he calls and I treasure every second I have when we are together. Many things have happened this year and although we have had our dissagrements I believe we can make it through anything. I know the road ahead of us is going to be long and bumpy, but I know we can make it through. I love him with all my heart and im going to do everything in my power to make sure I never loose him.

I love you baby

<3 October 20, 2010 <3

~Tamizan Rae

What a weekend

So it all started out friday, no actually friday was pretty dang good. I mean I didn't get an assignment done, but not having one turned in wont kill me. The real pain started Saturday. I woke up in an amazing mood, and decided I needed some new music, so I started downloading. This turned into a full on fest of wanting more and more music. Well my computer decided to crash so I hit the restart button. The computer just kept going through the start up process over and over again. I was pissed and worried because I thought I might have a virus. I took the comp into best buy and they ran a diagnosis, turns out it looks like my hard drive is failing. So lovely, in my freshmen year of college my computer decides to die. Instead of paying the nearly 400 or more dollars to fix it im going to just save up and buy a new one. I am paying 100 dollars to recover as much of my documents and pictures I can though.

Yesterday I decorated with my family and friends for halloween and that was fun. My grandma keeps walking around on her foot that was injured so thats not good. I have a ton of reading to do tonight and I need to edit my paper from 1000 to 800 words. Bleh. But on the plus side of it all.... no wait there isnt a plus side. Im using my moms laptop right now.

I complain, a lot. Justin pointed out this fact to me and I am begining to realize just how true it is. I don't mean to complain, it just always ends up turning out that way. Like what I posted before, it wasn't meant as a complaint but thats how it comes out. Whatever, I will work on it. I will also work on getting a job. I have applied for one place and I'm going to apply for another monday.

I'm worried for Kat and I really hope everything goes ok with her. She is a friend of mine and had a seziure today so she is at the hospital right now getting checked up on. I really hope she is ok.

Im going to get off this thing now. Do something productive like read and study. Be on sometime soon.

~TamizanRae

Today was a good day, then bad, and now good again =D

I woke up early and got to take Zach to school with my aunt to see how its done so I can take him for the next couple of weeks. I have to start waking up at 7 in the morning to get ready for Zach then I need to get him to school by 8:30 sharp. Afterwords I go to my grandmothers until school starts.
After school today I went to my grandmothers and stayed for a couple of hours then I came home and made dinner for my mom. Then I found out I did all of my homework incorrectly and had to re-do it all. But now Im talking to my man so everything is good and right in the world. Gonna go talk now. post later.

~Tamizan Rae

Yes, it is once again time....

For a very long, detailed post about what I have been up to. I know what your thinking, "Oh Joy". But you know what, some of it is kinda actually a little interesting maybe.... =D
So I guess I will start with the first of the month. Nothing was happening really. See now was that so hard? I can't even remember what I did last weekend... I feel like I went somewhere for a birthday party or something... I know my mom had me cleaning the house and I had some homework to do. Not fun.
You know what, I'm just gonna start with Monday. That's easier to remember. Monday I stayed home from school because I felt belch. Tuesday I went to school and came home. Wednesday, went to school came home. Thursday had my first tutoring apt. for Chinese at 9:30 (see something new) Then went to class and came home. Friday I had a test in my Chinese class, I don't want to jinx myself but i think i did alright. Then I came home, and got ready to go to Kristina's birthday party. Mom was late getting home but she called to tell me that my grandmother had fallen and had broken her foot. Lovely, so after she was all taken care of we went to Kristina's bday and then went back over to check on grandma. Saturday was Gina's birthday party, lots of screaming teenage girls. I swear me and my friends never made that much noise... ever. Then we came home and checked on grandma again. Today I went over to my grandmothers and spent the morning with her. Then came home did chores and did my homework assignment for English.

Now is where the fun part starts. For the next week I have to be up and ready to go by seven-ish so I can take care of my cousin Zack and take him to school at 8:30 sharp. Then after that (the time I would normally be sleeping) I'm going to go over to my grandmothers house and check on her and then walk to class. After class I am going to go back to my grandmothers and make sure she is alright and doesn't need anything before I go home. Then I get to do my homework and start the process all over again for the next 6 weeks at least. (Maybe less time depending on how quickly my grandmother heals). So yeah, that's my fun schedule. Jealous aren't you.

So I have a couple of friends I know and I haven't really had a lot of time to hang out with anybody and they are getting sour at me because I missed a big group get together Friday. (The day my grandmother broke her foot and of Kristina's birthday) When I got home I passed out I was so tired. I didn't even call and talk to Justin, that's how tired I was. (And that's a really big thing because I usually can't sleep unless I've at least said goodnight to him). But anyways, these people are sour at me and I'm just like, you guys, my family comes first. Always. Period. End of story. It just really pisses me off. And I know its been months since I've been able to do anything... but right now I am focused on getting out of the situation I am in and into one that makes me happy because quite frankly I am 99% miserable lately. Grrrrrrr. I really hate people sometimes. But It's whatever. I don't need them complicating my life and if they are going to give me shit for being to busy to goof off, well then I guess they aren't true friends anyways.

On the plus side.... no there isn't really a plus side right now. Oh well. I'm going to go put some poetry on my poems blog. Poems Here! check them out if you have some time and please comment and let me know what you think.

Lots of Love
~Tamizan Rae

What a month

I do realize I have not been posting or updating this as regularly as I would have originally liked but that's how life goes. There isn't really anything new to post. I didn't go to class today because I wasn't feeling well and sometime this week I'm going shopping. I have talked to my best friend about our future college plans and its nice to know we are both thinking along the same lines of "get it over with and get outta here". But yeah, other than that I can't say very much. I cannot wait for Christmas to be here, time is passing way too slowly but thankfully I get to talk to Justin every night. I feel blessed that I am able to talk to him so much because I remember when I maybe heard from him once a week and that was all e-mail. I have waves sometimes when I'm talking to him and I just want to cry because I miss him so badly, but right now I'm holding onto Christmas when I will get to see him again. Time, please speed up! anyways I might as well get some homework done. later.

~Tamizan Rae

Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day...

Or it should have been a beautiful day anyways. I woke up in a great mood, really early, and went shopping for grocery's with me mom. Then we made breakfast (Yes, I actually cooked) It was Waffles (homemade by me) eggs and sausage. It actually wasn't too bad if I do say so myself, and I do =D. But anyways, then I don't remember what I did, probably spent the day chilling or zoning out or something. I think I was on the comp. while Liz played fable 2 for the hundredth time in a row. I was finally able to kick her off and watch a copula TV shows I like. Then I helped make dinner (I know what Ur thinking, cooking twice in one day? no way. But yes, that's how good of a mood I was in today) I helped make stir fry rice and teriyaki chicken. It really wasn't all that hard but I refused to touch the raw meat. Then I did some homework and now I'm writing down everything a did today. What a boring life I lead, but its really the littlest things that make me smile, and today I have defiantly smiled. Anyways there isn't really anything else to write so, yeah. I guess that's all. I'm gonna go read Montana 1948 and finish it for class. Oh joy. Until next time =D

~Tamizan Rae

So much drama... so little time

Friday:
Nothing spectacular really happened, I talked to my counselor and sorta got a plan layed out for the rest of college. I got some homework I have to do this weekend... oh joy. Other than that nothing really happened. My guy, Justin, called and he played guitar and sang while I listened. It was really nice, so nice I almost fell alseep listening and that saying something because I dont usually get anywhere close to falling asleep while im on the phone talking to someone. I watched some t.v. with my mom and went so sleep. What a way to end the week.

Today:
I woke up and played on my computer. Signed up for a pogo account and played poppit. My mom had us cleaning house all day. My room is finally back to being clean and thats awsome cus I can move around in it. Then the drama hit. Oh boy. I can't really give any specifics but it basically had to do with people I know who are in relationships. Relationships always bring drama so yeah. Im tired, and its only 6 so thats awsome! (notice the sarcasm) anyways, thats all I got for today really. See ya!

~Tamizan Rae

Some days all I wanna be is a missing person...

... and today is one of those days. Well, it technically started yesterday but whatever. So after realizing that I had nobody near me that I really wanted to see who was available, I began to think once again about what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I know I have already talked about this but its a very pressing issue on my mind. See all I wanna do is have a family and stay home taking care of the kids and the house. Not very practical in this day and age I know. So I have to get a job and take care of me. I gotta move out of my house and start living on my own. I want bills, I want a paycheck, I want a place that is mine and not my parents. And I guess if I'm truly being honest, I wanna be wherever he is. Because I love him, because I miss him, and because he makes me happy. And right now I am anything but happy with my whole life.

I wake up every morning and I feel half empty. I go through the motions of the day just waiting for something to happen to make me feel whole again. Sometimes, something happens to make me feel just a little bit better, then reality sinks in and I wanna just curl up and sleep for a couple of years. Maybe if I did that, when I woke up everything would be better. But you see, I know that's not true. Nothing would be better because nothing can get better without someone stepping foreword and taking action.

There are several ways to solve my dilemma and each one is whirling around inside my head. I don't particularly feel like sharing because all the plans are half baked and I want to be sure before I do something or say something. I miss having a goal in life so I must create a new one. Right now everything is so confusing and knotted up in my head that I just need to take a breath and lay out everything. Lay out all my options and just pick one that (well I think anyways) will make me the most money. When I have that plan all figured out I will let you know but until then... I guess this is just my "Woe is me post".

~Tamizan Rae

Another day, Another dollar

Today when I woke up, I figured everything would be pretty OK. After I found my jeans hiding in my little sisters drawer, I was able to put together a semi-acceptable outfit and headed out the door. I have figured out the earlier I get to school, the better chances I have of finding a good parking spot. So I got to school about two hours early and hit the library.

We are reading Montana 1948 in my lit. class right now so I read through the book and jotted down a couple of notes in my notebook then summarized part one. Sure that may be a little overkill.... especially considering I read part one two times in total.... but you know what, it really helped me out in class today. We had a short little quiz and then were broken up into groups to talk about different characters. After the first hour we always get a break so I bought myself some peanut M&M's and trotted back to class.

During the second part of class we read a poem and then started going through it one line at a time. When the professor randomly choose me it of course had to be at the part that I made a fool of myself. He pointed to me and asked what the line said. I replied with "He is going to sell the berries for a dollar" apparently this isn't what my professor was looking for. He wanted me to scream out "One dollar! berries for a dollar!" or something like that. I am positive my face was bright red because although I do like to act, I need to have a script and be able to prepair myself. The other students in the class were laughing at me of course, but i figured screw them, there aren't many people I like in the world anyways.

After class was over I had to head to my Chinese class straightaway. I joined in a small discussion without being invited, something I almost never do, and I don't think the participants were particularly pleased with me. But whatever. Class started and we spent an entire hour going over the sounds to get them correct. You may think that's overkill, but trust me, pronunciation is everything when learning a language. I think I've almost got it actually. After class my professor signed my tutor request form and I went to the office and picked up my check for financial aid.

Now i had to go to the bank and get the check cashed so I could repay my mom. That took a little bit of time and when I was done I headed for home. Now by this time of the day I am extremely hungry and craving tacos. So I figure I will just call up someone and ask if they wanna go to taco bell. Problem, only people I actually want to see are either in class, or don't live near enough that I can call them up and ask if they wanna get some lunch. This little revelation of mine depressed me to some degree that I'm still not quite over.

I have a counselors appointment Friday and I am going to ask about getting a degree (I can't remember the name of it right now, sorry!) that will only take a year or two to complete and then I can get a job while I finish out getting the English degree that I really want. I think this plan may work, and then again maybe it won't, but hey a plan is a plan. If it turns out I can't do that then I'm back to square one trying to figure out something to do with my life.

I guess what I really want to do is move out of this town, I don't care where. Anywhere will do really just as long as I get out. See I figure if I get the one year degree I can move and get a job then pay for another community college. Anyways, that's what I've figured out so far. I have more homework to do again tonight so I should probably log off.

~Tamizan Rae

Introductory babble

So as my very first post in this brand spanking new blog... which I've actually been signed up for for a while... anyways, I'm just going to post some of the basics about me and my life and what is currently relevant.


My Name is Tamizan, my dad found it in a book, and I am nineteen years old. This is my first year out of high school and in college and so far I cannot say that I am particularly loving it. I am still living at home, and going to the local community college. Right now my plan is to study English and possibly go into editing, but lately that plan hasn't really seemed like the one I should take. Well, for the first thing, I am not great at editing anything and what I really wanna do is write. I currently have a few ideas for stories in my head and the only reason they are still there is I cannot make myself sit down and finish writing them out.


I know that writing as a profession is unpractical and its not the way to make a comfortable living. If I was to get an English degree then about the only thing I could really do with it is become a teacher, something that I really don't want to do. So I thought about getting a business degree... however the classes I would need for that seemed even less appealing. I really want a job that would give me a steady, and fairly good, income but I just can't seem to find one that would catch and keep my interest.


I am taking two classes at the college right now, the first is a combined English lit. and writing class dealing with Outlaws and Outcasts, the second is first year Chinese. I have already requested a tutor for my Chinese class even though classes only started yesterday. I requested one because I know my past with learning languages (I have tried both French and Japanese) and I can never learn the grammar part of the language. I am having an especially hard time with the pronunciation in my Chinese class. I really want to do well and succeed which is why I am requesting a tutor extra early.


So that's about it for my school life, my family life is pretty straight forward. I live with my mom, sister, and mother's boyfriend. I hate living at home and really wish I could move out but because I have no job (mostly because there are little to no jobs to be had where I live) that is something that will not happen since I can't afford it. I barely got enough financial aid to pay for tuition and books. My sister is still in high school, she is a Junior this year and she is really good at art. I hope she gets an art scholarship so she can become a cartoonist like she wants. My mom is one of my best friends, I know that sounds cheesy but its true, I tell her everything and in return she trusts me and I don't really have any curfews or restrictions on my life. Which is actually really great. My dad lives in Oklahoma with my step-mom and two youngest siblings. I have one other sister that lives with her mom a couple of hours away from me. And that's about the basics of my family life.


Moving on to everything else. Lets see, I have two very best friends. One went away to college and the other is with me at the community college. We don't really hang out a lot, but that's alright because when we do its great. I have a boyfriend who I am very much in love with who is in the military. Our relationship is long-distance and can be hard at times but I cannot imagine my life without him. He is the only one I want in my life, for the rest of my life, and I'm going to do everything I can to hold onto him.


He was here for a month after his deployment to Iraq, and it was amazing seeing him and making our connection that much stronger. Admittedly when he was in Iraq I had a lot of doubts, but now I have next to none. See, how we started dating is kinda complicated in the first place. He was here on a two week leave before he left for deployment. My best friend (the one who's going to the same college as me) introduced us and, well, I fell for him fast and hard. I only spent three days with him in total before he left and was shipped over seas. While he was there, we sent e-mails to each other two or more times a week and just talked about.... well.... everything. So when he was here for his month leave when he got back, we really had a chance to connect. I was mostly worried that when we saw each other again it just wouldn't be the same, but it was. And now I am extremely happy and I guess you could say that I have faith that we will be able to make it through whatever tough times lie ahead of us.


Anyways, that's probably enough about my life, I image those of you who have read to this point must be extremely bored and I can't blame you. I am writing this blog as a way to sort out my thoughts and just kinda get out what I need to. Yes, I do know that's what a diary is for... and I will not be posting everything on here (I do have a diary for personal matters) but I find that it's much easier to type then write out pages at a time so I'm gonna give this blog thing a shot and see how it goes. I have some homework I should probably get done for my classes tomorrow anyways so I'm gonna log off. I will post again probably tomorrow.


~Tamizan Rae