Day 27

So today I woke up super early after having really weird dreams and I went grocery shopping with mommy. Then I came home and logged onto the computer hoping that Justin would log on so we could talk before people came over, a friend got there at 10 and he still hadn't logged on and he didn't until 12:30. Its ok though because I got to talk to him for an hour. Then more people showed up to celebrate my 20th birthday early while I was in town with my friends. We had rainbow cupcakes, tacos and pizza. It was uber nummy. And I got to see alot of people I havn't seen in a while and we had a great time watching movies and just chilling. After they all left I tried to get my powerpoint homework done but when I sat down to do it I realized just how little I actually had information wise to create it. So I e-mailed my partner hoping she will get back to me by noon tomorrow or I will have to do it all my own way and possibly fail.

I hate that, The photo of the day is of a friends daughter. It was adorable so I had to share.

I wish you could have been here today too babe, but I know in the future we will share many birthday celebrations together as well as other holidays, I can be patient until then. I was so happy to talk to you today and yesterday about important stuff and just to know that you are doing ok does wonders for me. I had a miniature freak out last night, but Im ok now, things seem overwhelming at times and I just loose it, but the important part is that I am able to pull myself together and be strong when I need to be. I have a major headache and im super tired but Im going to go to bed now. I will be sending you a letter this week so be looking for it. I love you baby with all of my heart, take care, stay safe, and we will talk soon.

Day 26

So today was awsome! I woke up and got all ready to go and I just knew that Justin was going to talk to me today. He did, I ended up talking to him on facebook durring the entire trip up to the mall for the annual shopping trip with my cousins. We got a plan all figured out and I'm super happy and it looks like the school is willing to work with me, I have a meeting with them wed. after my classes to talk everything out and figure out a plan of action.

He seems happy with the plans and is going to start looking into everything officially now that we have a plan of action. But I don't know, I still feel a little eh, I just want to give him a big hug and have everything work out for the best for both of us. I got shatter OPI at the mall, pink, and im super stoked about it, thats my picture for today.

See my pink shatter. Im thrilled, I also got skinny jeans for school and a pretty black top. There was this lady at the makeup kiosk that was super pushy and I think I offended her when I said I didn't like her foundation, but my cousin bought me the eyeshadow I liked as a birthday present and I thought that was super cool of her. Um, not much else to write about really, I didn't do my homework like I had planned. I loves you baby and I think everything is good! I love you so so much and everything will work out great. I cannot wait to talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight love, take care and we will talk in the morning.

Day 25

Wow, 25 days, thats half of 50 and a quarter of 100. It seems like time is passing unbelivably slow. Not much happened today. I took my sister to the doctor, worked more and creating my support page, Did one of my homework assignments, found out more info to share with Justin and watched almost all of the six hour long version of pride and prejudice with my mom.

I have been thinking I may have to take time off from school and continue it in a couple of years, I still have to talk to Justin but that sounds like the easiest way to go from my position. Plus I can always look into schools over there that offer interior design and I may be able to get some credits that will transfer back out of the way hopefully. I dont know, like I said i still need to talk to Justin which hopefully we will be doing soon.

Here is my pic of the day, I am a very crappy artist so please ignore that.

Tomorrow I go shopping with my cousins so im super excited for that and then when I get back I have to finish my homework and sunday I will be celebrating my 20th birthday early. Baby you know that I love you with all my heart and that I will do whatever it takes to make everything work for us. We have a long winding road ahead of us but I know we can work through anything. Hang in there love and bear with me while we talk out all the senarios and choose the best one. I love you! I love you! I love you! and I cannot wait to talk to you again, take care and have fun this weekend. I will meet you tonight in my dreams. Stay safe love.

Day 24

It is thursday, I did not do any homework today, I know im such a bad student. But i drove an hour home and gets to see my mommy. Not a lot happened today besides procrastination. I talked to Justin this morning at like 3 and he was being cute again. Apparently he reads more of my status updates and such than I think because he asked me about a comment I made on a support page. I was a little embarrased but he said he wasn't mad. Didn't get to webcam or anything because his modem is acting up although he has internet and phone now. Hopefully he will get it working soon and we will be able to chat lots.

My picture of the day. I am wearing a braclet for a choker neckalce, I think its cute. So I think I am done with my post for today. I loves you baby you suprise me everday just by being regual old you. Its always nice to see how much you care by the little things you do that I don't know about until later. I loves you so much babe, We will talk via webcam soon. Sleep well and take care.

Day 23

So yesterday had a very short blog, as well as the two days before it. But I now have the time to sit down and write a full on blog about whats up and new with me. Well, I have started school and Im honestly not too sure how I feel about it. It is a private art college and im going to major in Interior Design, im going for my Bachelors. The first day I had to get up hella early like I set my alarm for 5 so I could be up and moving by 5:30 so I could be out the door by 6:20, 40 minutes of traffic later and I arrive at the school and of course the doors are locked, so I wait for 7:30 and then go up and thankfully someone let me in. Then I signed the "sign in sheet" and asked about my badge, they didn't have it. So I went up to my first class. The teacher has far too much energy for it being 8 in the morning and wanted us all to loosen up and play a game of pictionary. I kept getting animals and so I drew them cartoonish. Whatever, then we had to draw a still life and that bugged me because im not a great drawer and didn't want to spend all that much time on it, but I did my best anyways. Then it was time to go and I have very little idea what my homework is for the next class which would be the class today. So I have 20 minutes until my next class starts so I go down to the bookstore to get my books. The line is so long and they have to reprint my schedual so by the time i get out of there I have five minutes to get to my class. I check on my badge and they have me take a new picture and of course I look like crap but it had to be done. So then i go into the building for my class and I go the wrong way. Well I go into the wrong doors and end up getting locked in a stariway and the only way to get out is to use the keycard, which i dont have. So I go outside and walk around the entire building and then go up the stairs and arrive just as they are trying to figure out how to pronounce my name in roll.

Second class started out ok except for the fact I was out of breath and super hungry (because I havn't eaten anything yet) and my vision is starting to go black from lack of food and all the running around I have done. Anways, class gets started and and at break I grab my sandwich and chow it down in five minutes. Then towards the end of class it turns out the bookstore gave me the wrong book, so I have to go down and exchange it and while im there they give me my 5 piece interior design program kit. It takes two trips out to my car to get everything inside and I can barely lift one of the bags. Like its an inch or less off the ground as I carry it to the car. By the time I get back to class its over and I now have an hour with nothing to do. So I call my aunt and talk to her and then end up dozing off for a couple of minutes because I am just that tired. So my third class starts and I find out they gave me an extra book that I don't need at all. So at break I run back to the bookstore to turn it in and I ask about my extra money im suppose to have because there is still supplies I need to buy. Well of course it wont be in until next week. So when im heading back through the entry I take a look to see if my badge is out. There is a badge with my picture but someone elses name, and a badge with my name but someone elses picture. So i take it to the front desk and they say they will take care of it. I go back to class and practice the correct way to draw a line for a drafting class for the next hour plus. Once class is over I ask the front desk if my badge is done and they say I can pick it up tomorrow morning but im not going to make a two hour trip when I dont have any classes. So they say i can get it wednesday at 8 when the doors open, well thats also when my first class starts so I would rather get here sooner thank you very much. Whatever, i go out to my car and drive home. Exausted I chow down two plates of food and then force myself to stay awake until 10 so I can get a decent night of sleep. So I zonk out and don't wake up until i get an alert that Justin sent me a facebook message.

So I talked to him for a while while he was at work then went back to sleep and woke up refreshed. Well my aunt says she will buy my supplies and I can pay her back. So we go shopping and I owe her about 100 of my money from the school, but thats not a problem, I got paper I needed, a backpack and a lunchbox because I need both really bad. So we get back to the house and I freak out because I don't have one sort of paper i need. So I spend like two hours calling different art stores asking if they have it and they dont and finally im on the phone with staples and they say something so I double check all the sketchbooks I got in my kit and of course the paper I need is there. So I wasted time. Then i started getting my schoolwork organized and freak out because the teachers don't work in a way that works for me because two of them are "whatever do what you want for the assignment" and im OCD and need some sort of sturcture or I overthink and end up doing too much. Anyways, once I finally get started on my homework it takes forever. I dont finish until almost 11 and then I zonk out only to wake up at 6:30 today to go back to school. I got my badge as soon as I walked in the door and started the day. And I have to say being much more prepaired helped me out loads. But I still think that two of my teachers need to get better organized, oh well nothing I can do there but adapt. My picture of the day also happens to be a pic of all my school supplies, so take a look below and see what I gots.

Yup thats all my art stuff and I think I can now officially call myself an artist? Well maybe not officially, but I got all the tools and im enrolled and a super expensive school so I better be able to legitimitly call myself an artist at some point in time. I think there was over 100 items in my kit, and its the biggest kit given. Alot of stuff I dont even know what it is or how its suppose to be used, good things i have artists in the family and alot of my friends are artists they will be able to help me out.

So yeah, I think this blog more than makes up for the horribly short ones the past few days. Goodnight babies, I will meet you in my dreams and hold you so tight that you feel it while your awake. Have a great day at work and Im really hoping you got your internet so in the morning when Im waking up and your heading to bed we may be able to skype for a little bit. I love you babe, with all of my heart and soul and I can't wait to hear from you. Take care love, we will talk real soon.

Day 22, Start of week 4?

I can't write much tonight. I still have three chapters to read for homework and I have to get up super early but I just wanted to say that art teachers aren't really all that organized and its driving me crazy! Hopefully i will have time to do a full on vent tomorrow because I have a lot I want to get out. Got to talk to my baby on facebook this morning and that made me uber happy! Here's my pic.

Thats me tired after several hours of reading and vocabulary. I look like crap but at least my homework is getting done! And baby, although you dont read this I know that you know that I ask for your safety everday and I love you with all of my heart. Every short conversation we have gives me the fuel to make it through those days when I don't hear from you at all. I love you with all of my heart and soul babe, you are my world. Stay safe and sleep well.

Day 21

Ok so to start off with I did not sleep at all last night. Thats right not a wink, so I was so tired when I had to get up at 5:45 this morning. I threw on some jeans and a hoodie sweatshirt figuring most of my classes would be cold (I was right thankfully) and by 6:20 I was out the door. I got to school about an hour later and the doors were locked. I was unable to get my books or id card. Then i went to my first class where I was so tired that my brain wasn't really functioning. After that class was over I had 20 minutes to get my books but they gave me two of the wrong ones so i proceeded to have to go to the bookstore 2 more times. They also gave me the interior design started kit which was huge and heavy and it took two trips to load it all in my car. I think I will enjoy my classes once I get use to the early mornings. Now I know what Justin felt like for work everyday because we have about the same hours now. At least if his schedual hasn't changed we do. Anyways im super tired and don't feel like writing alot. Nothing super eventful happened. Im just beat. Below is my picture of the day.

I look tired huh, well im even more tired than those pictures portray. Anyways, baby, I hope you had a good day at work and are probably just waking up as I type this so I hope you had a good nights sleep and have a good day at work today. I love you a ton, and I really wish I could call you up and chat your ear off about everything that happened today. Lets just say the ID cards are a mess. I love you tons, and miss you so much. I can't wait until you get skype and then we can chat and you can see the silly faces I make as i describe things. Take care of yourself love. I will see you tonight in my dreams.

Day 20

Its the twentieth day and the first day that I almost forgot to do a picture and a blog. I havn't felt well and so i did everything i cold to make myself tired so i would sleep and wake up early enough for school. Then i woke up five minutes ago and realized that I hadn't done my nightly ritual so that being said this is going to be a very short blog so I can go back to sleep.

I found this photo on my phone taken from the first time justin was with me after his deployment. I brightened it as much as I could so that I could put it online and so people can see me and make him out. I also talked to maddi today and we had a great conversation. Baby, im so sorry this blog post is short, but I need to get to sleep so I can go to school in like six hours. I know you understand and would probably be telling me to quit this stupid blog and go to sleep if you were here right now. Because you love me and know how I am in the mornings. I really love you baby, and I hope you have a great day at work. Take care of yourself love, and I will hopefully talk to you tuesday. I love you with all my heart and will meet you in my dreams.

Day 19

So today started out good, woke up to a facebook alert telling me Justin had comment on one of my posts so I logged on and was able to talk to him for a couple of hours before I had to pack up the car and head down to my aunts. My mom drove behind me the whole way and it made me way nervous so i drove really slow and carefully so she wouldn't yell and of course she said i was driving too slow, it actually gave her a headache. Then we had to unload the car and get everything moved in to the room and set up, and had to get all of my clothes put away and the internet together. Thankfully we got that all set up with minor problems. The internet took a while because one guy told us how to do it the wrong way then we had to call customer service. But my aunt dealt with that with my mom while i set up my room. My pictures are all hung up and im super proud of the collage one I had. I wish i could put up a picture but I can't. I start school on monday and honestly im not looking foreward to the 8 am class that I have an hour commute to get to and I have to be at the school early to get all of my books and supplies. Ick! Monday is going to be a very long day.

I had crazy weird dreams last night, Im not going to put in any details here but one was definatly nightmarish and the other was just scary. This pic of the day is posted above, charlie and simba moving into their new abode. I was going to take a pic with me in it but I don't like how they turned out. My aunt took us all out to dinner and somehow I twinged my back so now it hurts really bad and I dont know what to do! But anyways im pretty happy with the way my room turned out, and really glad I was able to start off the day talking to my baby. Sweet darling Handsom man of mine, you make my every day something worth looking foreward to. I never know when I will hear from you and evertime I do it puts a smile on my face. You are amazing, you are my world, I dont know what I would do without you and I hope I never have to find out. We have some tough times ahead of us, but just know that I am willing to work through anything, I love you baby with all of my heart and I cannot wait until I get to hold you in my arms once more. Sleep well baby, take good care of yourself, enjoy your days, and I will talk to you again soon.

Day 18

I got a call! I got to hear his voice! I miss him so much. Hearing his voice filled me with so much happiness and at the same time made me miss him all the more. He called even though he didn't have many minutes. He wanted to hear my voice because he misses me too. I wanna jump an airplane and go see him now but I can't. I have to wait paitiently and most importantly we have to plan. Because if we don't plan and talk out every possible option than something is going to get screwed up somewhere, and we don't want that to happen. He told me he watched the anime episodes we watched together and it made my want to give him a huge hug, cuddle up in the crook of his arm, and listen to his heart beat while we watched them together. One day we will be able to do that, and one day he will be tired of my constant cuddles, but until that day comes... and even after that day... I am going to cling to every precious moment we spend in each others presense.

I talked to one of my best friends today via skype and it was so good to catch up with her. I also got to meet her new husband which was cool. We talked for about an hour and I just gotta say I miss that girl tons too. I got sidetracked writing because someone needed my help and the poor girl. I feel so bad for her. I wish i could give her a big pint of ben and jerrys to help her feel better. So im going to post my pic of the day and then end my blogging for the night.

Thats my pic with my phone in honor of the phone call. Hey baby, I know you wont read this but I miss you so much, thank you for always trying your best to be honest with me even when its hard. Thank you for respecting me and telling me whats on your mind and how you feel, but most of all thank you for loving me as much as I love you. You have no idea how much your love means to me. I know we can make it through any obstacle that blows our way and we will get everything figured out. I love you baby with all of my heart, stay safe, sleep well, and I will talk to you soon.

Day 17

Hello dear blog, you are almost like a diary or journal except I censor what I write in you for you are public and everyone on the internet can see you and my dear friend that is a lot of people. So news for the day are that I got to talk to Justin for a couple of hours this morning and that made me uber happy and I can officially say something now, Justin proposed and I accepted. Thats right we are engaged. Im thrilled, i wanted to say something yesterday but i wasn't sure if he was ready to tell everyone but today he changed our facebook status and so i figured if all of our family and friends could see it, it was allright to write on this blog.

My allergies are acting up so its really hard to concentrait on my thought process when i feel like im going to sneeze every five seconds but i will try. We mostly talked today about differnet plans and all of the paperwork we would need and such to make it happen. Thankfully he isn't tired of talking about it yet... just wait until i mention the dress and cake. He wanted to tell his dad himself which he plans to do this next week, so if everything goes according to plan and they dont see it on facebook before he can tell them then I will be happy. I want to tell his dad before he finds out via facebook but I also agree with Justin that its something his dad should hear from him. I dont know im kinda nervous about all of it. Its so exciting and at the same time feels so unreal. Anyways enough about engagment talk.

My daily photo was put on facebook, I choose to do a pic of my fur baby leo because I love him very much and he is a great comfort to me whenever I need him. The plans for the charlie and simba winnie the pooh effects kinda didn't work out so well so I vetoed them. Anways below is the pic for day 17.

My eyes itch and i feel all uncomfortable so im not going to write much more. I think i may watch netflix or just pass out for a couple of hours. I love you baby with all of my heart and soul and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you. You are an amazing man and I am truly blessed to have found you. You are my other half and the key to my soul and baby, I will never let you go. I hope you have an amazing day at work, I love you babe take care and stay safe.

Day 16

Thats right it has been sixteen days since my baby left and I have to say the time is just dragging on and on. Each day feels slower than the next and when i think back a day or two it seemed like it happened forever ago. I discovered that i dont do well driving alone on the freeway so if im going on a long drive I have to call someone in order to keep myself alert or i start getting drowsy and will black out on whole streches of the highway. I got my schedual for classes and I have one at 8 am that I am dreading. I will have to get up at 5 or 6 just to be ready to be out the door in time and i am going to be so nautious im not sure how my driving will be. Im seriously considering getting a bus pass. I have to finish packing up all of my clothing and other little items that I will need at my aunts house and I need to make double sure that I bring all my sweats and sweaters. She keeps the house cold because she is always hot. I was freezing down there. I also have to take my wii and get a small tv that it will hook up to and some hanging shelves so that I have enough room for everything. I have way too much that i consider a necissity to make it through everyday life.

Justin is so adorable, he messages me while he is at work and sometimes its just one word or so but its still him going out of his way to get ahold of me and I really appreciate it. I can't wait until he gets his internet set up so we can skype and i can hear his voice. I miss the sound of his voice so much. I call my answering machine to listen to the one message he left me. I really hope that I am going to be able to go to Germany and see him soon. I miss him tons allready, if i have to wait longer than a year to see him I may just go insane.

Im running out of ideas for pictures of the day. Im recycling old photos and just doing graphic edits to them lately. Its so lame I know but I dont have all that much to take a picture of and I dont want to take one of me every single day. Anyways, speaking of daily pics, here is the one for day 16.

I think it kinda has a winnie the pooh vibe going to it. Like the old school winnie the pooh story books. Anyways, i think its cute. I think in a day or so im going to get all dolled up again and take some more pictures to do fun editing with. I downloaded GIMP2 so i have a lot more options now too. I also think im going to take a pic of just charlie with this effect and just simba and see how they turn out. Anyways, i think im done blogging for tonight. So baby, think of me while you sleep tonight, in my dreams I will hold you tight. Kiss my lips softly, and I will feel it even if we are miles apart. Babe I love you, with all my heart. Stay safe my handsom soldier, keep me in your thoughts, your always in mine. I miss you and we will talk again soon.

Day 15 and start of week 3

So I went to my school orientation today and found out lots of fun stuff regarding going to Germany and we are trying to re-arrange my schedual. So it all looks good. I didn't get to meet my admin lady who i have been talking to but thats ok. The guy who leads my Interior Design group is really nice and willing to co-operate with my odd schedual request.

I wish i had more to write but I really dont, probably because im at my aunts and need to get off the computer and visit soon. I found out today that i suck at driving on the freeway alone because i get sleepy. Its really bad. I almost hit a semi, not my proudest moment. Anyways, the pic of the day is below.

I would have alot more to write but I have to talk to my baby about it all first so until then its kinda top secret info. lol. Anyways, I loves you baby with all my heart and soul. I wanna call you up and talk your ear off right now but i will wait patiently until the next time we can talk. Stay safe, im still here waiting for you always and forever. I love you so much and I miss you tons. We will talk really soon baby love.

Day 14 (2 weeks officially)

So i am at my aunts house right now and I have mostly everything set up in the room except my shoes and clothes which are still at my house. Orientation is tomorrow and im super excited and can't wait. I have a ton of stuff to hang up on the walls and a ton of things to think about regarding going to Germany. I am going, there is no question about that, just for the length of time and when isn't so certain right now. Im not really sure what to do about it but i realized today that Justin has to be involved in every step of making plans to do this. I cannot do it without him so until we really get a chance to sit down and plan out a strategy, im kinda stuck just thinking about the what ifs.

I did not hear from him today but i did get some useful advice and tips from some people and some discouraging tips from others. Tips like just give up if your not married. Not helpful people. But I have to decide if im gong to be there longer than three months because if i am i need a visa and i need to apply and figure out how to do that. I need a logical legal reason and im not sure I have on the German embasy would accept. I would give literally anything to be able to call him right now and just listen to him play his video games. I would give anything to have him here with me where i was cuddled up to him while he played his video games. I just want to hear his voice, its been too long and im having withdrawls. I have the videos i recoreded of him memorized which is a little sad.

This was my picture for day 14. Its my room, still needs some organization and fine touches but I like it and I think it looks pretty good all things considered. Im going to keep this blog post short for tonight, im on my aunts computer and really have nothing new to say. Hopefully I will have a lot to write about after orientation tomorrow. Wish me luck! And baby, you know that i love you and that we will work together to get everything figured out. Im will never leave, you can't get rid of me. Like you told me on our one year, your stuck with me, and I mean that. I love you with all my heart and i hope you are enjoying the wonderful experience you were given that is Germany. I miss you and we will talk really soon. Love you baby.

Day 13

It has been 13 days and I got to talk to him today for a little under an hour and we talked about my schooling and my going over there and some of the options available. I was kinda suprised as to what he said, but if its what he really wants to do I will be thrilled. And honestly, and i hate to say this, but finacially what he was talking about would be easiest. I just don't know his words have been running through my head all day. In a good way, a really good way. Im just hoping right now that he gets internet soon so we can get everything worked out and figured out to suit everybody in the best possible way.

I was really very happy to hear from him, it made me feel alot better especially considering my break down last night. He still loves me and wants to be with me just as much as I love and want to be with him. It was a very good day in that aspect. On the flip side it was so stinking hot and i was so irritaed with everybody at ross and walmart! They were slow and rude and just downright obnoxious. I dont do well with heat, and i was seriously sweating more that i wanted to. I got all the picture frames I wanted though and got my pictures printed out and placed in them. Happy Tami =D Now I have somewhere to place all of my pictures and see his handsom face all day long. My photo of the day was the picture frame from yesterday. I bought a matching one today that says Life takes us to unexpected places... Love brings us HOME. And I really love that frame. I have a pic of my baby in uniform in it on my bedside table. Tomorrow I head down to my aunts house to take some stuff and prepair for orientation on tuesday. Im really excited and have some things to talk with my counselors about.

I think that is everything that happened today that I have to tell about... I can't think of anything else at least. So my message to my love, as is ritual closing. Baby I love you with all of my heart, you are an amazing man and I am so lucky to have you in my life and to share a love like we have. We will work everything out school wise and work wise so dont worry about it. I love you and miss you more than you know, and I ask that you stay safe, work hard, and get that internet up soon. I will talk to you soon my love, and I will hold you in my dreams. Have an amazing day at work, and sleep peacefully.