Day 145 Happy New Year!

It has been an extreamly long year, with a ton of stuff happening, both good and bad. I miss my love tons but with the new year im even closer to being with him at long last. So I guess I can wait another month or so. Its been a blah day so far, trying to figure out what to wear to the parties tonight.

Baby I hope you have an amazing new year. Get hammered like you normally do, and I really hope I get a quick chat with you. But if I don't I will at least know that you had sooo much fun. We are that much closer to being together babe, not too much longer. Love you!

Day 144

Got a haircut, spent too much money, had fun girl time and got to  hang out with my brother today. Yup, good good day.

Love you baby, have a great new years!

Day 143

Well, today didn't go completely as I had planned and I wasn't really able to have face time with my baby so im kinda in a blech mood. Lots has been on my mind. I really need a good nights sleep!

Baby, love you and miss you so so much. I wish time would hurry up and pass so I could be with you again. Hope you had a great day, I will talk to you soon.

Day 142

My body hurts sooooooo bad. I don't think ive ever been in this much pain. It feels like my bones are bruised. Ugh. And im tired and going to be headed to bed very soon because I need some good sleep. Maybe I will drink some tea tonight to help me relax. Anyways, I'm excited for tomorrow. Bridesmaids Dress Fittings! Yay! Can't wait for some good ol gal time. Wish my matron of honor was in town so she would be able to join us. But it is what it is. There will be plenty of time to catch up and have fun with her later. Ok, this is seriously a short post for tonight. bye all.

Baby, I love you! I hope you sleep well! And have a great day at work! Kisses and Hugs!

Day 141

Everything is all good and a okay again. Glad thats over. Stressful mutch? But it all went relativly smoothly which makes me happy. Left work early today because my vision kept going black and I looked like a corpse. I was super not stoked to be there. But thats life.

Baby, I woves you sooooooooooo much. Glad we worked through this random pot hole. Talk to you soon. Have a good day.

Day 140

And just when I thought things couldn't get any crazier. Well they did. Not that I'm going to share any of that personal information with all of you strangers who just happen to read my blog. I'm just saying that things got a whole lot more interesting in my life. Work is long, I don't know how much longer I will be there but its all what it is. Hopefully some people throw in a good recommendation for me and they decide to keep me. Christmas was so so. I really wish I was with my baby already.

I love you baby, stop being so damn stubborn.

Day 139 Merry Christmas!

Oh lordie its been a long day. First off I couldn't get to sleep until after midnight, then I woke up around 6:30. We opened presents and then I was able to talk to the love for a little bit until we went to christmas breakfast and then after that we went straight to christmas dinner at my aunts house. I left early because my back hurt and I was in a lot of pain and I almost made it home in time to catch baby but he logged off before i could talk to him. Its really early morning for him though and I don't know if he has to work the day after christmas or not. I got lots of little stuff for the kitchen wich will be awsome for baby and me once we get married, and all the money I got is going into the savings for our wedding fund! YAY! I got basically half of it today back so im pretty happy. I also got a squishables fox and some jewlery. Its been a really good christmas and since I can't talk to my baby right now, I really wish my mom was home so I could spend some time with her before I have to go to sleep for work tomorrow.

Baby, i hope its just a coincidence that you logged off right after i messaged you saying I was on my way home... Im just kidding, I know it was late and you need sleep. I was actually suprised you were awake as long as you were. I missed you this christmas, I miss you everyday of course but thinking of how we were together last christmas made me even sadder we were apart for this one. Next christmas we will spend together though and I look foreward to joining you (hopefully) very soon. I love you baby with all my heart and soul and I will talk to you tomorrow. XOXOXOXO

Day 138 Christmas Eve

I am so glad that its evening and I am in bed. Im sleeping just as soon as this picture and blog post are done. I hope everyone has a very merry christmas.

Merry xmas eve baby I love you with my whole heart and I really wish you were here to celebrate with. Have an amazing day love.

Day 137

Long day, got an extra half hour at work which was good but i got super nautious and a bad pang running through my head and cramps. Not really all that much to say tonight. I love you baby!

Yes you, you meanie you. Im just kidding your not mean at all. You are awsome! Im gonna stop typing now because i think its annoying you. lol have a good night dear.

Day 136

So much to do and so little time. Oh well, there will be time enough. I just got off work and of course im wide awake, dont you just love that? I work until 11:30 tomorrow, which is a really odd shift but its whatever. Had a blonde moment today. here is my post off facebook:

My blonde moment of the day:

So I'm at work and I hang up with a customer and turn around. Here is the conversation that ensues.
Associate: "Are you Mary?"
Me: "No engaged"
Associate: *gives me a funny look* "Marys not here right now" *Hangs up phone*
akward silence
Me: "Did you say Married or Mary? because I heard Married"
Associate: "I said Mary"
Me: *Face heating up like a lobster* "......well im embarresed"

In my defense he has a slight accent and his "y" sounded like ied every time he said it. But yeah, just thought id share that with you all.

yup, good times. Baby, thank goodness you love me despite my blonde moments like above and maybe your right, maybe I do need hearing aids. Anyways I love you, sleep well and enjoy your friday, saturday and christmas!

Day 135

Had an early day of work, but that means I got off early. Finished my christmas shopping and visited with a good friend and her family to exchange gifts. She got me a new blanket to replace the one I sent Justin. Thank you! I need a nice comfy blankie to keep me warm and this will definatly do it. Saw two of my favorite kiddos, and two of my favorite older kiddos and had a really good time. Then I got to talk to my baby a little, thank goodness he was in a good mood. But now he wants a pixie bull frog, snake and spider as well as three dogs... yeah babe, we'll talk.

I loves you have a great day at work and stuff and I will talks to you tomorrows. Muah!

Day 134

Hungry hungry, thats all thats going through my head right now. Im going to go heat up some food and watch the most recent episode of glee..... scratch that im going to go to bed because I have to work semi-early tomrrow. Damn, no food for me.

Baby! I'm so happy you are in a better mood this week so far. I will UN-tense and stop getting on guard about the random things you say. I loves you! I hope I dream of your warm loving arms tonight.

Day 133

So I have a really bad headache caused by a knot at the base of my skull and horrible back ache so this post is just a basic check in.

Baby, love you, can't wait to talk to you in the am. Hope you have a great day!

Day 132

Things are going swimmingly, thank you for asking. This weekend was fun, babysat two of my favorite "kids" I say "kids" because one is a teen and the other is a kid and I was more house-sitting than babysitting but it was fun non-the-less. We have everything we need for the proxy money wise, so baby is gonna fill out the paperwork and get it sent my way. I'm excited, one step closer to being in his arms again.

I love you baby, you have no idea how amazingly wonderful you are to me. Please, don't change, I love you just the way you are, roller coaster and all because everyone knows I have roller coasters enough of my own.

Day 131

Its been a loooong day! I am very tired and ready to go to bed but at the same time wide awake.

Baby I love you, but you really need to stop this roller coaster we are on. Sleep well love we will have a good talk tomorrow. I can't wait until you hold me again, until I am in your arms I wont feel complete.

Day 130

Babysitting two fun boys this weekend. No idea what we are going to do to keep ourselves entertained. I really dont feel like blogging about much so this will be uber short.

Baby,  everday you suprise me. You fill me with so much joy and laughter, and while the distance is tough, I know that it will end soon. You are my everything, I dont ever want anyone but you and I will love you my entire life. I can't wait for the holidays to be over, I can't wait to be in your arms once more. I know its hard and things feel impossible, but we can do it. I love you, with everything I have and everything I am. Always and Forever, you are my eternity.

Day 129

Just a short little post for tonight.

I love you baby, always and forever, no matter what.

Day 128

So tired, picked up two hours to make up for yesterday. Going to be alseep here very soon. I have a very short fuse these days and people keep ignighting it with their  stupidity. I mean really? just REALLY? your that dumb? Ugh! Makes me wanna throw a chair at their stupid face. Good thing I worked in the stockroom most of the day.

I miss you baby, I demand cuddles now! I know its not doable so I will cuddle to charlie bear and call it good for now. Loves for my love

Day 127

I left work early because i was super nautious. I feel better now that im lying down and not standing. I wish baby was here to cuddle me. I love you baby, hope you sleep well and I miss you sooooooooooo much.

Day 126

Ugh tripple digits. Its been a long day again at work. And a long day emotionally. Im very much ready for sleep so this post is at an end.

I love you baby, sorry i didn't get home in time to talk to you. Hope you have a great day at work and that I get to talk to you for a little while in the morning. I miss you

Day 125

I was so tired after my super long shift yesterday that I was such a grump this morning. I dont know how my family puts up with me sometimes. Work went well, I sold a couple of handbags and earings and watches. A pretty good day, too bad there wasn't a sales goal to meet. Oh well, there will probably be one tomorrow. Which I dont close at all this week and Im not really sure how I feel about that. I kind of hate leaving the store when there are still people walking around in it. At lunch today my future mother in law and brother in law came to visit me at lunch which was nice. She made me some nummy sweets for christmas and gave me a pepermint headache tonic to put on my forehead which was really nice of her. I wish I didn't work so much then I could visit everyone but lately if im not at work im home resting for work the next day so I havn't been able to see anyone. :/ I feel really bad too because Ive been meaning to visit my future father in law and other mother in law since I got back like four weeks ago but I have just been so exausted with work and so busy that I havn't been able too. Im hoping on friday before I go over to babysit the boys for Cindy I will be able to stop in and see them for an hour or two. I have decided everyone is getting cookies in a tin can for christmas because I can't afford gifts. Blech! I hate the holidays, its become soooo comercialized. And it doesn't help im working in a department store because I see TONS of crap that I would like and I have to remind myself the whole time at work "you can't have that, you need to save up". I would just like a little something new for me. But oh well. Thank god I dont have kids right now, im still way too selfish to put aside my wants for others, im having a hard enough time putting my own needs ahead of my wants. Its horrible. I think im going to make myself some tea and sort through my jewlery tonight. I have a huge jewlery box my grandpa gave me on my eighteenth birthday (I belive) but It has just accumulated a whole bunch of junk I never wear and half the stuff just needs to be thrown away so thats my project for tonight. I figure even if I work I still have projects around the house that need to get done. The day after tomorrow im going to tackle my shoes and then probably my books.

Baby, I love you. Thats really all I have to say today. I love you.

Day 124

It has been an extreamly long day, my shift at work was extended about five hours extra and I have to be up at 11 and working tomorrow so I have to get to sleep soon. Sorry there has been tons of short posts lately.

Baby, I love you, I really hope I get to talk to you before I go to work in the morning. Sleep well <3

Day 123

Long day, started out really crappy too. Got lots of sleep but baby went to sleep straight after work so I didn't get to talk to him. Finished watching gargoyles and the final season kinda sucked because it only wrapped up like two of the twenty plot lines it had going. Then I figured I would call and talk to a nurse because Im on my period again, and its been fairly constant over the last month and a half, which is not good. That doubled with dizziness, lower back pain and headaches makes me worry. Yes I am eating for those who think im anorexic. I am not anorexic. I thourally enjoy eating food and would eat a heap load twice a day but if I eat too much I get nautious. So its my body, not me, that isn't a fan of the food. The doctors werent helpful at all, they think its the implanon im on which i really doubt since I had this problem before getting it. So they transfered me and then told me to go see a doctor. Hello people, i have seen three different doctors about this, none of them tell me anything new, most of the time they say give it time and see what happens or they just ignore the issue completly and go after something else they think is more important. So I hate doctors. Then I showed up at work a half hour early. Work was slow but not too bad, I was in childrens so I got to see all the cute clothing and wish I had a baby I could buy it for. It did get me thinking about the christmas presents I need to buy and how im going to budget that. Ugh. Everyones getting cookies. Or something cheep along those lines. So off work now and baby is finally online so im going to be able to talk to him and hopefully that will help. And as if this day couldn't get any worse, my grandma went to the urgent care clinic because she is mega sick and not doing well.

Baby, can you be here right now so I can fall asleep in your arms and forget about dumb and stupid days like this? I would really appreciate it right now. I want to have a needy day. I know its not doable now but watch out because when i get there I may cling for a month or so until you get so fed up with my clinginess you threaten to send me back to the U.S. :p

Day 122

Long day, still uber tired and my feet and stomach hurt alot. I work 4 to closing tomorrow so I have to make sure to get lots of sleep. Still no claddagh. I should probably give up hope of finding it but I cant.

Baby you are my everything. Have an amazing day.

Day 121

So tired yet so wound up at the same time. I can hardly even type right now im making so many typos and deleting and retyping so this is gonna be short. Still no sign of my ring. Im resigned to its loss and grieve although my baby bought me a new one. He is so sweet. It wont ever replace my other, as nothing can truly replace something else, but with it I can create new moments and memories and bind myself to it. It has emeralds and diamonds and is gorgeous. Ok I seriously can't type anymore

babe, not sure if I will chat with you at lunch like i wanted, i need to try and get sleep. I love you, thank you so much for the claddagh, you really have no idea what it means to me. Take care and I will chat with you very soon. Love you dear heart.

Day 120

Long day, woke up crying over my ring with a killer headache. Talked to the love, well we didn't really talk so much as he watched his shows and I fell asleep on him while webcamming and then he played video games and I watched gargoyles, but still it was time spent together. When he went to sleep I napped for three hours, so Im not tired now which sucks as I will wake up at my normal 7'oclock time in the morning. Um, not really much else to say, work was slow, I closed, made more money at least. Work in traditional tomorrow, fun stuff, I close again at 12:15, I really have no idea why macy's feels the need to stay open until midnight when we are dead around 10 anyways. But thats the companies business, which as I am a lowly worker must follow. No one turned in my ring today and it upsets me a great deal that I am still without it. I got the loves watch resized so I know that at least will stay on my wrist, and my promise ring does not slip and slide on my finger at all so thats good. I took off my other rings, I refuse to loose any others although I really wish I would have lost any but the clauddagh (and of course my promise ring).

Baby, I hope your day is as good as it can be all things considered and that if I don't speak to you after you get off work you have a wonderful nights sleep (although I really hope I talk to you). Loves loves for the love and we will talk soon. Thank you for putting up with my silliness today. It really meant alot to me although you should probably work on the way you word some sentences. I still love you though.

Day 119

I lost my claughdagh ring ( I know i mispelt that) Im bawling my eyes out right now because I feel so naked without it. I have worn it for over three years straight. That little piece of metal and I have been through so much together and I want it back, right now. I am just thankful it wasn't my promise ring I lost, I would have broken down in the middle of the store in a catatonic state if that had happened. But still, It was so hard to hold myself together until the other guy I was working with got back from break and then I could hardly hold back the tears and when I got to the break room I just let it go. But now the tears are back because im so heartbroken, Usually when it falls off I find it again right away. I dont think I ever want to wear jewlery again (besides my promise ring) because I dont want this to happen.

Baby, I really need you to hold me right now, stupid as it is, this is one of those female moments where I just need you. I seriously can't wait to be with you again, that would make this so much easier right now if I just had you. I hope you have a good day at work though. I love you.

Day 118

So today was a good bad short long sort of day. Woke up and the love was still asleep, so I wasted time on a pointless errand. Then love got online and we chatted for a bit with a little tift here and there as he thought since he had just woken up he was allowed morning grumpiness and I informed him it was my morning so my grumpiness was the only one allowed. It was quite hilarious. We unloaded moms car and then went to our Davids Bridal appointment. I tried on dresses with my mom which was an experience I always wanted to have with her. We took several pictures and I like ones in the pictures I remember not liking on me. I showed the love them and in one of them he said I looked fat. Thank you I love you too. Lol, thankfully it was the one I hated most. Then me and mom went shopping, came home and cooked, ended up having to get pizza because there was weevles in the flour. Me and the love talked some more before he had to go and do his manly things. Im happy that I dont work until 4:45 tomorrow and 4:15 the next day, and that next week even with two days of im still getting 37.5 hours. My first bill came into the mail today so bye bye paycheck. And i was yet again unable to get a haircut. Oh well, tis the daily boggle called life. Now I am exausted and highly debating on sleep since i wont be able to sleep in long in the morning. So with that I bid you all a farewell and goodnight.

And to my dear heart, you are the most infuriating frusting man in my life and I love you more than anything else in the world. Dont you ever change, I love you just as you are. Heres to holding you tonight in my dreams love.

Day 117

I seriously hate arguments and baby and me have been getting in little tiffs the past two days. Im on my period which is a very large part of it because I am ten times more sensitive and moody than when Im off it. So I seriously hope he can keep his sanity when hes around me and im like this 24/7. I am uploading some pics to facebook and then I think im going to make a blog post thats not a part of the countdown, I would just write it all here but it just wouldn't feel right since the subject matter is completely different. Or maybe I will write it in my poetry blog since it would fit there better anyways, yes I think that is what I will do. Im going to try on wedding dresses tomorrow with my mommy and I have started my registries. YAY! Super excited. I dont work today or tomorrow so im enjoying my time off and I got everything from my aunts house so thats good.

Baby, I apologize for my crazy mood swings. I have been stressed out and humanities stupidity has gotten to me even more than it normally does, you probably know why. But im still trudging on and going through each day one at a time. I really, really miss you, broke down tonight sobbing because of the ache your absense leaves. I know it will be filled soon and I look foreward to that immensly. I love you baby, with all my heart and soul. You have all of me, always and forever.

Day 116

So done so done so done. I dont even have the energy to type anything. Forgot my water bottle at work. Lame. I love you baby, I hope you sleep well and have a good day and I will talk to you when I wake up in the morning. Oh and I got 41.5 hours next week! Yay for trading shifts!

Day 115

Long long day, so so tired. Ready to pass out and not wake up for a thousand years. Tomorrow I work 4 to 11. yay! I like the late night shifts. Lots figured out today. Lots of stress too and several ounces of tears shed. But its all good now! Im seriously going to bed as soon as I upload everything to facebook. Baby you make me more happy then you will ever know every single day. You are the light that keeps me going. I love you.